What DO I DO?!?!

So I am toying with the idea of going after a 50 mile ultra marathon next summer.  Just toying at this point.  I am weighing how much time it will take and the energy I will have to put into it vs. everything else that is pulling on my demands.  I think the underlying problem here is I am an endurance junkie.  And let's be honest, is this *really* a problem? I don't think so.  But it is a very time consuming hobby.  Why is it that I have to be attracted to the hobby that requires so much of my damn time?  I don't know.  But it is what it is.

So my attention is drawn to the idea of an ultra.  I think this started last year when I was really reading and getting into "Eat and Run" and "Born to Run".  Two books that really highlight and bring attention to the ultramarathon world.  They also helped me re-do some of my running technique which I didn't realize would pay off as much as it did until my Ironman.  I remember after my marathon I was really tight and sore in the hip flexors.  This was also a feeling that plagued me during training runs.  After concentrating on how I ran (forefoot-mood foot-heel strike) and just overall mentality with running, I noticed a huge improvement in my gait and how I felt afterwards with just some simple changes.  So I was beginning to think about these longer running races last year while preparing for my first marathon. 

But after a year and some change of preparing for Ironman which really does start 6 months out and the training is very time consuming, I am re-thinking this.  Mostly I am just unsure if I want to devote so much time to it.  Part of me wants a mental break from that type of focus and time dedication.  I also know myself well enough to know I will need to have something to focus on when it comes to races/events. I don't know if this will be fulfilled with simply doing olympic distance races or maybe a half ironman in there.  I am thinking about entering the bay swim again and maybe some other open water swimming events. 

So my mind is turning...

Getting back to normal..

It is still very bizarre that this all happened.  I mean, three weeks ago I was preparing for a huge event.  It has been a strange adjustment and I think I am still getting used to everything that has changed in  the last three weeks.  I went from spending every day working out and training for at least two hours to a complete shift.  To say that Ironman feels like it was all just a dream would be putting it mildly. 

I think the hardest part has been trying to figure out what "normal life" is now.  My mind and perspective is still pretty skewed and I find myself feeling guilty that I didn't work out.  I still think about what I should be doing..even though I don't *have* to be doing anything.  I have been trying to give myself plenty of time to rest.  Over the last two weeks right after the race, I did not really do much physical activity.  I swam a few time and have gone on maybe two runs.  Swimming feels pretty good, but I could tell that I was tired with the run.  So I have been backing off and trying to make sure I really give my body the rest time.  This week I am hoping to get back to some sort of near daily routine.  I have never been one to not be active or doing something. 

Which also brings to another big change which is strange: new fitness goals.  I am not sure where to put my focus.  I am still changing my thoughts away from having to do so much endurance.  I find myself getting caught up in the thoughts of "If I don't do at least an hour or two-then its not worth it".  Which isn't true.  I have been doing so much volume that the shift to doing less is tough.  But I am trying to re-focus and determine what my new fitness goals are going to be this winter.  I know I really want to work on my strength training and getting more toned/fit in that way.  I also want to work on my swimming since that is something that I very much enjoy. 

So we will see.  All in all, I am trying to find a new normal and a new balance.  And it's tough.  Because despite how much I griped and complained at time about the volume...I also miss pushing myself so much.  I guess sometimes it is hard to just be still and be satisfied. 

Something to strive for.

Ironman Maryland Race review

Well first and foremost I cannot believe that race day has come and gone. It is unbelievable.  I knew going in that the whole weekend would feel like a blur. These races always do. It still feels like yesterday that I just signed up for the race. And not too long ago that my friend Lori and I decided to even do this race at all. I mean, it was unbelievable.  Ironman truly puts on a fantastic and well run event.  So here is my review of the events:

Pre-race and the Swim

The alarm went off at about 4:15 am. We were planning on getting there roughly around 5:30 since transition opened at 5 and closed at 6:30.  We wanted enough time to get settled, drop off bags to special needs and feel ready. These moments were a blur. The volunteers were great and all the other athletes were awesome as well. Everyone was in good spirits and encouraging.

They did the swim in a rolling start and the starters asked the athletes to seed themselves according to time. My pool times have been right around or under the one hour and twenty minute mark. So I seeded myself at the beginning of the 1 hour and 30 minute group. 

The water felt great and it was just beautiful. I let myself get acclimated to the water and try to get used to sighting. It was pretty packed in and as I was going along,  I definitely found myself running into people. But I also noticed myself passing a fair amount of people too. I was trying to remember my pacing practice which I spent a lot of time in the pool trying to work on. Or make it a game by trying to pick out people to pass. The swim went by so fast. I tried to just enjoy it and settle into the mental mindset that it was going to be a very long day.

At the end of the swim, it was shallow enough to stand fairly early and I ran into a few people going into the finish. I always swim until the last bit since I feel that is way more efficient than walking through waist high water.  I was out and into transition in an hour and thirty minutes. Not bad and the start I wanted. So mentally, I was off to a good start.

Transition

The best part was the wet suit strippers. You run in, lay on the ground and someone pulls off your wet suit for you. Best. Thing. Ever.

After this I grabbed my bike gear bag and ran into the changing tent where you are surrounded by so many naked women.  One thing about this type of event is that all dignity or modesty is tossed out the window. People are rubbing cream and Vaseline on all different body parts and all day long. Snot rockets. Peeing on the bikes. Sweat. Farts. (My favorite sign read: don't trust a fart). Yeah, Ironman athletes are pretty gross.

The bike: my nemesis

I started the bike in good spirits. I had hit my swim mark and had a plan for my bike. The night before, I had bought disposable water bottles to put on the bike since at aid stations there would be full water bottles to replace any used water.

Somehow between lori and I, 3 out of 5 water bottles were brought to transition and 2 were left behind at the hotel...so I told lori to take two and I would take one and fill up at the aid station. Within one mile after starting the bike, I hit a bump and off my bike that one bottle falls. Woops.

Thankfully the first station wasn't too far off and I filled up with three bottles. The first 30 miles of the bike went okay. There were signs to indicate every ten miles. The problem was they also said the miles of the second loop. So I would pass 20 and then also saw  mile marker 70. Bah.

I became very grumpy from mile 30-70. That's 40 miles of me gating the bike, imagining ways to get out of the race that were not disgraceful, swearing, telling myself I would never bike again, and thinking about selling my bike. I tried distracting myself by thinking of songs and reminding myself to just keep going.  I mostly stayed on top of my nutrition. I was getting a little nauseous which is something I dealt with during training. After what felt like forever, I finally reached the second loop and special needs.  I had pit a few things in my special needs that really helped: ginger ale and an oats n honey granola bar. My lively boyfriend had also written me a note and slipped it in there. So of course I start crying (this is a theme for the day).  I take what I need and head out for lap 2.

The weather was pretty good. The wind was a bit tough on the first lap and the sun was out, but would also go through moments of cloud coverage. I started feeling hot and then also started pouring water over myself every 15 minutes. I think this is what helped me turn the bike around. At about mile 70 I started feeling a lot better and picked up my speed.  I had been passed by a lot of people early on, but at the end I was doing some of the passing.

When I finally hit 100 miles it dawned on me that the bike was nearly over. I had biked by my supporters a few times and my parents.  I had started crying a few times just in being overwhelmed by it all. The last 12 miles felt unreal and my right foot started hurting. I was definitely ready to be off the bike.

When you bike in, the route takes you by some of the run course. I was able to start encouraging the people I saw which felt awesome.

I was off the bike after seven hours and forty some minutes. Thank God.

Second transition.

More nudity. And jokes. Good spirits all around. But mostly more nudity.

The Run

I am convinced the Ironman Race is really just about the bike. The swim is a warm up, then the main event of the bike followed by a marathon cool down.

I started the run feeling pretty good. I had mostly hit the time I wanted off the bike (planned for 7.5 hours). So I knew I had a decent amount of time to finish the run. My worst case scenario was to walk it if need be. I started the run at roughly 4:20- 4:30 pm.

My legs felt good. I knew for the run it would mostly just be about forward movement. Just keep going. The supporters were out in full force and that helped with the excitement of it all. I met and talked with some pretty cool people along the course. The aide stations and volunteers were amazing. I had planned to run the cousins with my fuel/water belt but ended up giving it to Nick after the first few miles because the aide stations were so well kept and frequent. I just didn't need it.

The only thing that sucked was the fact that the run course was a three loop route. They had you run by the finish twice, which for the first lap was fine. By the second turn around though, it just felt mean. But it was motivating to hear it and know that I just had one more loop until that was me.

I remember feeling pretty decent through most of the marathon. I didn't start to really be sick of it until mile 21. That was when I just felt done with the race. I was sick of it and bored. I had done all I could to mentally keep myself occupied. I was done with it.

What I will say is the supporters were great.  Nick walked with me some which helped a lot. I was able to see my fellow training partner Lori and hug her as she was heading to finish. I saw two others I knew who were doing the race. It was really surreal.  I definitely started tearing up multiple times at the end of the run.

The Finish

When people tell you the finish line of Ironman is like nothing else- they were not kidding. It is unbelievable.  The fans, volunteers and atmosphere is just incredible. I think at the end everyone is so exhausted but somehow, you find the energy to run down that finisher chute. 

It was surreal. So unreal and to hear your name announced as an Ironman.  I can't even fully describe it. I was tearing up and trying not to cry as I crossed. I didn't want that ugly, teary eyed face.

it still feels like a blur. I knew it would go by fast but it just feels unreal.

I can't believe that it has happened. I have dreamt about this so much over the last year. Not to mention how much this has been on my mind since starting triathlon four years ago. Pretty much everything I have done in this past year has been to help prep me for Ironman. What an experience. 

You can also find find the Ironman Race recap here: Race Day 2014  

Dreams. Or lack thereof.

I have always been a very vivid dreamer.  And I remember them.  I could tell you dreams from middle school that have stuck with me.  And some that have been recurring dreams.  If I was a part of a native american tribe, I would be their dreamwalker.  I have never really put much stock in dream interpretation or anything of the sort, but I do feel that sometimes dreams can be our minds' way of trying to work out events or situations.  Or a reflection of anxiety or situations that are weighing heavily on a persons' mind. 

Normally before any triathlon, I will have triathlon related dreams.  Maybe forgetting something in transition or being late.  You know, the typical "I am worried about this situation" kind of dream.  And it doesn't really even matter which triathlon.  I have done the Columbia triathlon for three years and every year before it I would have some kind of dream about the race.  I had dreams about the Bay swim (some involved sharks-not cool mind, not cool).  And I had dreams before my marathon and before my half ironman.  So having dreams, very vivid ones which I remember, is not foreign to me. 

So I was expecting a lot of dreams this week.  And last week.  All about Ironman or triathlon and dealing with the anxious and excitement I have been feeling towards this race.  Maybe some about the fears I have with it.  Or the worries of not completing a portion in the time I want.  I had one dream maybe a month ago of not going at all.  I went to play tennis instead. 

To my surprise, there has been none.  Outside of the one dream I had a few weeks ago, there has been no new dreams about ironman.  Nothing.  Nada.  And this has surprised me quite a bit. 

Now I realize I still have three more nights where possible dreams about the race may happen, but usually I would have been dreaming by now.  I am going to take this strange lack of anxious dreams as a good sign.  Maybe it is my minds way of telling me to calm down.  That the endurance is there and that I have done all that I can to prepare for this event.  (which I have-I can't do anything now about what type of shape my body is in).  And maybe it is also related to the fact that I know, deep down, no matter what happens-I will just keep going. 

It doesn't matter if my swim or bike or run doesn't go the way I plan-I will just keep going.  And I am going to draw confidence from my lack of dreams as my minds way of saying that I am as ready as I will ever be for what I am going to ask my body to do on saturday.

If I do have anything interesting come up in dreams, I will be sure to let you all know ;-)

4 days...

4 days.  4 days until a race I have been planning for for over a year.  I started training for the Richmond marathon (november last year) with the plan of doing Ironman this year.  It just feels surreal to finally have something you have been waiting for and working towards for such a long time to finally be here.  Utterly surreal.  And almost like it isn't really happening.  I keep wondering if I will wake up and this is just a dream and I still have another month to go. 

The last few months have been hard.  And I even worry that I haven't been training enough.  I keep going through moments of feeling confident, then switching to panic, then moving back to feeling at calm.  It's like the emotions are in a spin cycle.  I have a huge respect for this race: for the distance and the toughness it will take to complete it.  I can only hope I am up to snuff.  I keep imagining different parts of the race.  Maybe a part where I feel nauseous but I push through anyhow.  Or a part on the run when my legs want to give out-but I push through anyhow.  I may not fully know yet how difficult this is going to be, but I am trying to focus on one fact: no matter what, I can push through. 

I was thinking the other day about the reasons to do Ironman. I really want the sticker.  The 140.6  But besides that, I have always enjoyed the race against myself.  I have never been the super competitive, when things get hard-go faster to win type of person.  I have always been more in tune with the events where you are pushed against yourself.  Pole-vault and high jump were my main things in high school.  While I wanted to finish well, it was more about doing better than my last jump or last vault.  I have always been more of an internally motivated athlete vs. one who excels against competition.  This is what has drawn me to endurance sports.  I can push myself and test my limits.  I know I am not out there to win anything and that is fine with me because the only person I am racing against is myself. And this is the spirit I hope to bring to Ironman saturday. 

To push through what might feel impossible.  I am excited, nervous, eager, terrified, and in awe of what will be happening in the next few days.  In all of it, I am going to trust I have spent the past year preparing my body and getting it ready for what I am about to ask it to do.  So in this moment, I am calm..

I am sure in five minutes I will be back to freaking out.

9 days and counting...

Well we are under the ten day mark, believe it or not. I have officially started stalking the weather. Not that it makes much of a difference- I have no control over the weather, but it will make a difference in how I prepare mentally. I know if it's hotter, then I will need to  prepare with grabbing ice to keep my core cool and sponges to make sure the heat doesn't get to me. While 80 degrees (current prediction) might not seem too bad, biking constantly in the sun with no break will make it feel warmer. 

I still feel like it is all a dream. I can't believe that the day I have been preparing for for over a year is pretty much here.  I started thinking about this when I signed up for the Richmond marathon in November this year. I was also thinking ironman when I did the bay swim.  All of this endurance has been building for over a year and I am reminding myself of this each time I freak out. I hope I did enough training and I really just need to trust that. 

Going into this, I don't really have an expectation of time. I want to just finish. I have a goal time for the swim and an idea of the pace I want on the bike.  Other than that, my main goal is to just finish. And I want to enjoy it. I have worked so hard and I really want to take in all of race day.   The whole experience. Registration. The Expo.  The volunteers.  Everything. I just want to enjoy it. I know it's going to be tough. I know mentally I am going to be pushing myself as my body says it doesn't want to do anymore.  As much as I feel nervous about it being race day, I also want it to be race day. 

9 days...

On Feeling Proud

There have been a lot of moments over the past few months where I have felt proud of myself.  I remember my first 100 miles and how good that felt; the pride in that.  Pushing through my miserable 18 miles and despite walking a lot, feeling proud with pushing through.  Even the weeks I hit around 16 hours would spark a feeling of pride.  Finishing the Bay was a HUGE feeling of pride and wonder of what my body will let me push it through.  I think the reason some of these accomplishments feel so huge is because I reflect on where I started.  When I started swimming, I couldn't swim more than two laps without having to stop and catch my breath.  I used to call a swimmer friend of mine when I finished my first 1/4 of a mile-so proud of myself for continuously swimming that distance.  Kind of amusing if you think about it.

But I think what is sometimes even better than pride in self is pride in others.  And that is what I am going to reflect on today. 

My good training buddy Stacey is doing Ironman Wisconsin in three days.  I started my triathlon journey with her and meeting her through Team in Training sparked what has turned into a beautiful friendship.  She has inspired me on so many levels through not only her dedication in training and support she shows me, but also in pretty much everything else that she does.  We have dreamed about Ironman together, talked consistently throughout this whole training process and all the emotions/challenges that go into it.  Griped to one another about this situation or that.  She has dealt with my neurotic over thinking self on so many occasions and been patient through it all.  I am BEYOND thrilled to follow her journey on sunday and SO freaking proud of her for what she has done.  It has truly been a journey and my only regret is that I can't be there on race day for her in the physical moment. 

Another person to be proud of through all of this is my other training buddy, also met through Team in Training, Lori who is doing Ironman Maryland along side of me.  We both started this journey and dream back when we did our first half Ironman together in 2012.  This has truly been an emotional journey as I've seen her pick up through some tough physical issues and push through.  Not to mention all the other factors that life has thrown her way.  It has not been an easy training season and we have commiserated together, griped, complained and stressed to one another. We have picked each other up (sometimes mid-workout) and pushed each other. She is another one who has unfortunately had to deal with my over thinking self (my bad).  But I have also been so impressed by her strength, her genuineness and the way she always helps me to see past my worry. 

I am so freaking impressed and proud of these two women who are in my life.  I can't wait for them both to cross that finish line.  We have shared so much of our journey together-it is unreal.  Un-freaking-real.

Panic mode

Well I can't believe it is september.  Last weekend I completed my longest weekend combo package yet: a 94 mile bike followed by an 18 mile run the next day.  It seems surreal.  I can't believe that a) it is september and b) i have finally entered the taper period.  Granted, this weekend still holds a 70ish mile bike and a 12-13 mile run.  But still...the next time I go long it will be in the race.  Which brings us to the feature point for this post: cue freakout...

To say it has been an up and down ride the last few days would be putting it mildly.  I nearly started tearing up while riding the course, thinking about the fact that the next time I would be on it would be for the actual race.  The actual Ironman.  I can't believe that the last year of my focus will be coming to a head in a mere two and a half weeks.  I am both excited, nervous, and terrified all at the same time.  I am emotional and overwhelmed by the journey.  I am emotional and overwhelmed by what I have been pushing my body through over these last 6-12 months.  It just is a lot.  Not to mention, my body is just plain tired from all that I have been asking it to do.

There are moments when I start to panic and just fear that I haven't been doing enough.  I start to what if.  What if I fall apart on the run?  What if I get nauseous on the bike? What if I have GI issues during the whole thing?  What if I don't make it in enough time?  What if I am not good enough?  What if I completely fail?  I try not to dwell on these and focus on the negatives, but I would be absolutely kidding you if I said those thoughts and doubts were non existent.  They are fully existent.  And living in my head, swirling around and around in what feels like a constant roller coaster between giddiness/excitement and dread.

On one hand, I really can't wait for the race to be here so that I can just start it...do it and push myself through it.  I daydream non stop of that finish line and what it is going to feel like to walk across it: dead exhausted and probably the most emotional I have been in a long time.  I also fear that and know that the time goes by too quick.  Even when biking the 94 miles this last weekend it felt like it went by super fast.  And that took 6 hours! It is just surreal.  This whole experience has been a completely surreal one.  I have sacrificed so much of this summer and the past year in focusing for this race and now it is almost here.

I think my goal over the next two and a half weeks is to try and stay healthy (which is why I am sitting here writing this and not on the bike; damn cold-like feeling), try to stay focused and just try to relish these last few days before the BIG day.

oh and try not to panic.  Too much...

Training fantasies...

That's right. It is time I share with you the things I sometimes allow myself to fantasize about when in the middle of some ridiculously long run, bike or swim.

I am not sure you can handle this. I bet you think it is something fantastically raunchy don't you?

Well I hate to burst your bubble. Because it's not. Its actually rather bland and boring.  I think lately what I find myself dreaming and fantasizing about is all the other things I plan on doing with my free time once this race is over.  Don't get me wrong, I love training. But I am ready to be able to do something other than train on my weekends again. I am also terrified/excited for that day to come. Since it also means the race is over and the day I have spent the last year preparing for has come and gone. I have spent so much of my time dreaming about the ironman and finishing that it is going to be surreal when it's over.  You know there is such a thing as post-ironman blues.  Another post on that later.

For now, here is my fantasy list!

1.  Staying up past 10
Oh man, do I even really need to explain this? I can't wait to not have to worry about bed time.
2. Horses
I miss riding so much. I miss the smell of a barn. I want to get back into horses. Sometimes when I am running through rock creek I will pass horses and it just makes me day dream about this more...
3. Swimming
I know, I know...you are probably thinking WHY am I dreaming about this when I am doing this? Well I really want to join a masters team and hone my swimming. I love it.
4. A painting and wine class
You know, one of those places where you go, drink a few glasses of wine and take an art class.  I am really really wanting to do that.
5. Running time
Again, I know...I am already doing this. But I want to focus more on getting my average speed down. Right now I am just focusing on the miles. I want to get back to a sub 9 mile. That used to be where I was.
6. Baking
God I miss being able to bake. I want to get back to baking bread. Such a good smell.
7. Agility training
I really want to take my one dog shickaray to this agility training. I think she'd be awesome at it. And it'd be good for her.
8. Sign language
I miss being able to do more with learning this beautiful language. I can't wait to attend more silent dinners and events.
9. Sleeping in
I can't wait to have my weekends returned to me. When I can sleep in and....
10. BRUNCH
Man do I miss brunch. I never get to go anymore due to the ridiculous hours of training but man oh man....brunch-when this is all over, I am coming for you.

Even with all these things I think about, I also remind myself to stay present. I know the race will be here soon enough. I have a few more weeks to really focus and I will thank myself on race day that I did.  This upcoming weekend will be one of my longest training weekends including a 100+ mile bike and a run somewhere between 18-20 miles.

It will be worth it. And then I will go stay up until 11, drinking wine and painting while on a horse and taking my dog around an agility course.

Just give me a permanent IV...

I feel like the Dr. Appointments are hitting it hard these last few weeks.  A week ago, I finally made an appointment with a new GI Dr. up at Mercy Hospital.  I had previously seen them but then transferred (ever so briefly) to a GI Dr at Georgetown University.  I decided I did not like him-he was an ass.  Should probably go back to the bedside manners 101 class. 

So upon making this new appointment and meeting with this very in-depth and much more likeable Doctor, there are going to be some changes.  The first thing that kinda threw me for a loop was her impression that my disease has shifted from mild to moderate.  Sigh.  Great.  Secondly, she talked to me about switching to a new medication.  For the past few years, I have been taking daily pills of Lialda.  No big deal and they seemed to work for the most part.  Or at least, I thought they did.  July was a rough month for me and my GI system since it seemed it was so easily triggered and I just could not get any relief.  So now this new DR is thinking it is time for a change in medication.  She wants me to switch to Remicaid which would be infused into my system.  This is kinda scary.  I don't really like the idea of going for infusions of a biological drug.  It just freaks me out a bit. 

So in order to really assess where everything stands-I have to go in for another colonoscopy.  Fun fun.  That will happen next Thursday.  They really aren't that big of a deal and more of a hassle in terms of work/training.  It will happen in the morning and when I made the comment to my Dr "great! I will have plenty of time to bike later then!".  She gave me the stink eye and told me I shouldn't.  I will consider listening to her.

So if the possibility of infusions of Remicaid were not enough, then the nurse practitioner called me with my bloodwork results.  Low Iron and Low Vitamin D.  Both she said are very common for patients with UC or Crohns'.  She said my Iron results were so low that I need to go see a Hematologist in order to receive Iron Infusions.  Which also had me kinda confused.  If you have low iron, that is supposed to equate to low energy right? And if my energy was that low then why am I not dead and dragging with all this training?  And if I get the infusions, will I be superman energy? If that's the case-can I please have some right before the ironman race? K, thanks-bye. ;-)

So I am basically going to be infusing things left and right.  Maybe I can convince them to infuse something fun while they are at it...

Breaking through the bike barrier

I am happy to say I think I have pushed past the mental block between me and my bike.  This past week has felt really good when it comes to my biking-can't say the same for my run, but I suppose win some-lose some yeah?  Having ran a marathon before, I have a bit more of a mental grip on my run vs. the bike.  I haven't always loved the bike.  I was feeling so down and beating up on myself the past two weeks in relation to biking.  I couldn't stay focused.  And I had a saddle sore that would not seem to leave me be.

This week has been different.  I started using aquaphor to help out with chafing and it seems that is doing the trick.  Thank GOD.  I was feeling miserable.  But on the bike rides last week, I enjoyed every single one of them and made it out without any soreness in the saddle area.  SUCCESS!  I tried a new route on thursday which always kinda makes me nervous.  Not the new route, exploring somewhere part-but doing it by myself.  I don't really like to do that too often simply for safety reasons.  I knew this area somewhat, but decided to just go for it anyhow while taking as many necessary safety precautions I could. 

It ended up being an absolutely beautiful ride.  Most of the roads were pretty safe-there was one part where I was on a more traffic-busy road, but it was not for long and the shoulder was pretty wide.  Some rolling hills with nothing too difficult.  Passed a TON of horses (and a donkey) and ended up down by the water at one point.  Totally unexpected and beautiful ride.  It was a nice breath of fresh air instead of going to my usual biking point.  I think it is important to switch up the training ride route on occasion. 

So I left the week-day rides feeling great.  Onto the weekend long ride-the real test.  It ended up being a fantastic ride.  75 miles with good company and with pretty decent weather.  That part ended up being a huge surprise because the forecast was looking shady all week predicting thunderstorms all day.  The temperature stayed cool for the most part and we did not get rained on-both a win in my book!  I felt great though.  My legs didn't feel too spent at the end, I felt like I could go for longer, and while we had some climbs at the end of the ride-I didn't swear off biking while doing them. 

My run on the other hand-was not the best feeling.  Physically, I was all there and able to go-but mentally I was just done.  After starting so late on the bike saturday, the ride ended up taking all day.  I think mentally I was just tired of training after that and wanted to be done.  Still got in 11 miles, but not quite the distance I wanted.  I also realize I need to do more running prep work during the week.  I had let that slide this past week and I noticed a difference. 

15.5 hours spent training.  4 more weeks until taper.  Ironman is NEXT MONTH. 

The Ironman Struggle is real...

I am feeling stuck. 

And only with one thing.

The bike.

That's her.  I haven't named her yet.  But she's pretty.  And light.  And everything wonderful. 

And I am getting so tired of riding her. 

There was a point where she transformed my feelings about the bike.  Prior to her, I rode a Felt road bike that was a size too big and I didn't even REALIZE it until I got on my Blue.  And then I realized, "OH, so this is what a good fitting bike feels like!".  It was amazing and I was in love. 

Don't get me wrong, I am still very much in love.  But I just can't seem to get focused-I am dreading some of the long rides that I know await me and in the same sense, wanting to do them because I want this race so bad.  I cannot wait to be doing the Ironman. 

I am also not sure how much of this is just a..being tired of being so focused.  I can generally be a very Type A, focused individual and shut everything else out.  But lately I'm noticing that I will think about the beach, or doing something on a weekend like kayaking...and I am noticing that my attention is elsewhere.  Summer is flying by and I have these pangs of wishing I could do more "summer" activities. 

And then I remember Ironman.  I know it will be worth it and I know that I will just have to push through-that these feelings of distraction I have will not last for long.  But man is it a struggle sometimes.  I don't have it with swimming and I don't have it with running.  In fact, in my run I can just go-I might be slow, but I can definitely just keep going.  This last weekend was my longest run yet.  On thursday I did an easy 6 miles followed by friday with 15.  I was tired and my legs were sore, but I felt good.  I've been picking up my swim speeds and doing repeats in order to build a faster pace hopefully.  And those feel great. 

But this damn bike.  I just can't seem to get re-focused.  Really hoping that this week is a turn around.  I am going to just reframe things in my mind, I am going to think about how it will feel to know I put in everything I could into this training and I am going to remind myself to stay focused. 

Ironman is September 20th.  I have 5 weeks of solid focus until it is taper time.  That is also a big driving factor; I don't have much time left.  It's time to leave it all out there so that on race day, I can just celebrate all of my hard work. 

The hardest part...

I am beginning to believe that the hardest part of ironman will not be the actual race itself.  It is definitely feeling like the hardest part is staying focused through weeks and weeks of this intense training.  I knew it was going to be tough and that it would be time consuming, but you never really know what something will be like until you go through it.  It has been intense.  I feel like everything on my mind is Ironman.  Every week the focus is on training.  Every weekend the focus is on what long rides/runs I will be doing.  I feel like when I get to race day, I will breathe this HUGE sigh of relief knowing that I will be done. 

I remember it feeling that way with the bay swim as well.  By the time I got to swimming IN the bay, I could only think "This is the last long swim I have to do for a while".  I still always have my mantra of "Enjoy the moment" going through my head, but I can definitely tell making it through these last few months will be tough. 

Race day is September 20.  That puts us at roughly 9 weeks away.  I am really hoping to get in my first 100 mile bike at the end of this month.  In August, I hope to be doing 80-100 mile rides nearly every weekend.  I had a 76 mile ride this last weekend which felt like the death of me for a few reasons. 1) The heat was getting to me.  I need to have a heat plan.  2) I had a sore area from my bike saddle.  It started at mile 20 and let me tell you, going another 50+ just makes for some hellish riding.  I couldn't get into it. 

I keep trying to tell myself to just stay focused and push through.  If I can get through the end of this month and through the rest of August, I will be home safe.  The big stuff is just starting to really pick up and the intense distances are coming.  Thankfully, in gearing up for the long run-I can draw on my past experiences with marathon training.  I know what that demon looks like.  I find myself worrying more about the bike and really pushing through at a pace that I am okay with.  Why can't my favorite part of the race be the longest?  Bring on the swimming! 

I just need to make it to September....

Being an endurance athlete with a GI disease

Recently there has been a fair amount of recognition in the media and on social networks regarding the woman Bethany Townshend and her picture with a colostomy bag. It really is a great picture and you can find one news coverage of her story here:  Townshend story

I definitely don't think that inflammatory diseases get enough attention.  And I also understand why.  Who wants to talk about their problems with gas, diarrhea, blood, or pain?  Most of the time when you hear anything about these types of issues-it is through a commercial with someone in a restaurant or other public place; their thoughts are voiced often along the lines of "Will I have to go home early?" "Will I be close enough to the bathroom?"  "Will I make it through this?".  And then it is followed promptly by a drug advertisement. 

But recently, thanks in most to the woman I mentioned above, there has been a new face to the inflammatory diseases.  It seems there has been more movement with women (and men) coming out with pictures of them and their colostomy bags.  All of them standing proud to show they will not be won over by their disease.  It is definitely empowering and moving to see this type of response.  I hope it continues and brings more attention to this chronic condition.

I know a thing or two about this being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis myself.  It is not easy to deal with and at times is a constant struggle.  Lately, it has been debilitating in how it is interrupting my training and my life in general.  Sometimes those advertisements are right: you do constantly worry about what you will feel, or how something you eat will react, or when your disease will flare up.  I am still learning how to manage my nutrition, training needs and medication so that I can move forward without pain or without many symptoms.  Let me just say, ironman training has been interesting. The last two weeks particularly difficult as I have been dealing with a flare up (that's UC talk for when symptoms are really evident).  I don't think I would be making it through this without my friends or support.  For those of you reading this, seriously: thank you. 

It's strange to think I will be living with this forever.  I think there are times anyone with any type of chronic disease that will *never* *go* *away* thinks this.  I am not sure if science is anywhere near finding a cure, but in the meantime, it is medication and nutrition that will be fueling managing this for me.  And if I am being honest, I do worry that I will end up as one of those with a colostomy bag.  I do worry that my disease will progress and shift into something worse.  I do worry when I hear statistics that link inflammatory diseases with colon cancer.  But I try not to let it stick into my mind and I try to stay focused on what is right in front of me.

Today I can say my GI feels good. It might not be like that tomorrow or the day after, but for today it feels good.  I train according to my body and I have to really start keeping that in perspective as I move forward with some really heavy Ironman training loads.  I will be tracking my nutrition, cutting out those foods that seem to trigger symptoms and working with my specialist on what is best for me medication wise.  And that is all I can do for today. 

I encourage anyone who wants to know more or who wants to help out in the quest for a cure to locate their Crohn's and Colitis Foundation chapter and see how to get involved.  In the meantime, I will be out swimming, running and biking until they do. 

Goodbye Sleep. Nice knowing you.

I think I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be sleeping in no longer.  At least not until this race is over with.  As the day heats up and we reach those 90+ temps, I will no longer have the luxury of start a workout at 10 am.  It also makes quite a different that I will no longer be biking anything under 50 miles or running anything under 9/10.  I'll have to look at the schedule, but I am pretty sure we've hit that point.

The training has been going pretty okay.  The weekend of the 20th and 21st was a bit rough only because I was in Florida for a sign language conference.  This meant that most of my training scheduled was completely thrown off.  I only got in 7 hours of training that week.  I am beginning to get uber sensitive about how much time I am putting into each week.  I think I am also at the point of where the numbers will not dip below 10 hours each week.  I have a general plan of what I am doing each week, but definitely should tighten it up some.

I think it really hit me this past weekend in biking 70 miles.  70 miles.  I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it.  I didn't hate it, which is a huge step up in my biking because in the past, biking has definitely not been my strong point.  But going 70 this weekend, well, it definitely helped in making me feel like I am on the right track.  Learned some things along the way:

The biggest thing was the need to figure out a better plan for nutrition.  I don't think I was taking enough in and I could tell towards the end.  Could feel my body kinda bonking some.  So-will definitely be adjusting that.  I also could really feel the heat.  There were some stretches where it was just straight highway and the sun was beating down on you...I have to figure out a heat plan since I am not strong in hot weather.  I think some of it will come as I get more used to this increase in temperatures.  I found that spraying myself with water helped a little bit, but this also means that I will go through water more quickly.

I wonder if I could attach some kind of sun umbrella to my helmet.  Probably wouldn't be very aero.  Hmm...

It ended up being a good bike though.  Despite noticing not enough nutrition and some adjustment to the heat, it was decent.  I worry that the bike will not be strong enough and this is where I need to be the strongest.  I have to remember that in going forward and in pushing myself.  It will all be worth it come race day and there is so little time between now and then.

All in all, this week totaled 12 hours worth of biking, running, and swimming.  And that was with only 2 swims.  I copped out of the last swim after a rough 9 mile run on sunday.  I think I will save that story for another post. 

Bay Swim Training you ask?

So when I went to prepare for the Bay swim there was not a lot out there in terms of training plans.  Pretty much what I gained from researching this was the following:  Swim.  A lot.  And then swim some more.

Thankfully I had the advice and knowledge I could pull from my friend Katie who had done this event twice.  Unfortunately for her, she had to deal with my Type A nonsense as I prepared for this event.  (Seriously Katie, thanks so much for putting up with my shit.)

So like any dutiful Type A-er, I record pretty much ALL of my training.  I have three books for the past three seasons where I have recorded my training.  This is the book I use, and I love it.  It is wonderful:

The inside is even better:

So yes, if you are looking for a good way to track your workouts-consider using this training diary.  I love.  So onto what you really want to know.  What did I actually do to prepare for the bay?  In retrospect, NOT ENOUGH. 

I started tracking my training in February.  This was also combined with my base building for Ironman, but I also knew I would need to really start laying the foundation for the Bay Swim.  So I am going to just lay out my weekly/monthly totals for yards I swam:

Feb 24-3/2: 6,400 yards

3/3-3/9: 9,000 yards
3/10-3/16: 6,000 yards
3/17-3/23: 10,077 yards
3/24-3/30: 10,834 yards
(20.4 miles total in March)

4/1-4/6: 6,952
4/8-4/13: 11,600 yds  (long swim=6,500 one workout)
4/15-4/20: 11,100 yds (long swim=7,100 yards)
4/22-4/27: 12,700 yds (long swim=8,000 yds)
(April totals: 24 miles)

First week of May I was on vacation.  I did not swim.  Nope, not at all.
5/13-5/18: 15,200 yds (long swim= 8,000)
5/20-5/25: 10,200 yds (long swim=8,000)
5/27-6/1: 3,000
I had to drastically cut back the last two weeks due to cutting myself and needing to give it time to heal.  This was extremely frustrating, but I also know that had I not done this, who knows what bacteria I could have picked up from the bay...

So looking back there are definitely a lot of things I would do differently.  First, I would start swimming the longer distances earlier.  I only got in three 8,000 yd swims (the Bay is 7,777 I think) and I do not think this was enough.  I was just aiming to finish, but now having one bay under my belt, I would aim to increase my long swims to at least 10,000 in one workout.  I tried to do this, but it is definitely tough mentally to do this type of training. 

The way I scheduled my workouts included mostly a tues/frid/sunday plan.  I would swim around 3,000-4,000 on the tuesdays and sundays.  Fridays would be my long swim day and I would go after work.  That is how it worked out best for me.  Also playing into this was the fact that I am in ironman training.  That definitely played a major role in preparing because I was not JUST swimming.  I was also running and biking. 

I definitely learned a lot when training for this and I am still not sure if I will want to do the Bay swim again.  It was a wonderful experience and I am so happy that I do do it, but...again? We shall see. 

Eating disorders and Endurance Athletes

Courtesy of the twitterverse, one of my favorites Chrissie Wellington tweeted this article: Why Eating Disorders in Endurance Athletes are Especially Dangerous

And I felt it was an important enough topic to warrant my comments on this.  So sit tight folks, we are about to get a bit serious here.

The article highlights some important physical reasons of why being an endurance athlete and having an eating disorder is exceptionally crippling.  The article highlights bone mass, malnutrition, hormone disorders, and absorption/food sensitivities.  It's a nice little blog article, you should really go read it.  There are a few (Wellington being one) athletes out there who describe their own struggle with an eating disorder and how it has impacted their own journey either through life, career or both.  It is not easy.  I feel the mental impact of an eating disorder, the underlying reasons contributing to it, and living with it are on par with the damage an eating disorder has on the body.

How can I speak on this you might wonder?  Because in college I struggled with it.  Now granted, I never reached the point of hospitalization (thank God).  But I went to counseling.  I was diagnosed as pre-anorexic.  I had reached 125 pounds on my 5'11 frame.  I was working out hours upon hours and eating only two or three (max) granola bars.  So while in some ways, I did not have it as bad as others, I still know that place.  It took a good friend of mine to say to me: "Jacquie you look better, not just skin and bones anymore" and my initial thought was  "I have to get back to that"-to scare me enough to go into therapy and seek help.  Now granted, I was a terrible therapist client (how is that for irony given my profession now?).  But it also took some very supportive friends, significant other at the time, and going to therapy to pull me out of a very bad rut. 

The thing about eating disorders, and I can only speak for myself, is that these thoughts never really go away.  It is something you are always aware of-on some level.  For the longest time I could not have a scale anywhere near me.  But the thoughts of weight and whatever contributes to the drive that creates an ED are never really gone.  As I approach a point in my life where everyone around me is having children and I am constantly faced with this expectation of bringing life to the world-the other side of that is the fear that is associated with these thoughts.  A fear of gaining weight, never being able to lose it, triggering old habits, not being sure if I can manage all of those at once-it's exhausting. 

And as an endurance athlete, I have to be always aware of nutrition.  I will say that entering into the endurance world has saved me.  Right when I was starting to pull out of my worst rut, I started getting into running.  I believe it was then that I ran my first half marathon.  The energy I put into worrying about weight and need for some sort of perfection could be put into endurance work.  And I was doing it safely.  I am still doing it safely, but that is not without the creeping up of thoughts from old habits. 

I was lucky to never truly develop the negative physical side of an ED.  But the mental part of it, well I don't think that those ever truly go away.  It is not an easy road.  I think it is very important to bring these issues to the forefront and make it easier for any athlete (or anyone really) to talk about their experiences. 

Chesapeake Bay Race Review 2014

Well, the race is over.  And I think I am still in a state of disbelief because it does not truly feel real.  I knew this would happen; I always tell myself these events are over before I know it (see previous post) and it still shocks me when it happens that way.  How surreal.

Anyhow, I figured I should write a review of the day before it becomes all fuzzy in my memory.  I have to say this was probably one of the most rewarding and challenging endurance events I have ever done.  Now, since this was my first time swimming the bay, I have nothing to really compare it to besides a handful of other open water swim events with triathlons.  I overheard people at the end saying that the current was very tough at times, the swells were rough, but that it was not as bad as previous years.  I can say the weather was beautiful.  It was sunny, it was warm, and the water felt fantastic.  There were definitely cold spots going through, but overall I had no complaints on the weather or the temperature of the water.

So where to begin....

Getting to the start was a fairly easy ordeal.  The organization of this race is phenomenal and I must say that all of the volunteers were absolutely fantastic.  They had you drive across the bay, park at hemingways marina, and then buses shuttled you over to Sandy Point to start.  I remember driving across the bay and trying to peak down into the water to get a sense of what the water would be like.  This seemed like a good idea, but really provided no help whatsoever nor truly gave my any indication of what the swim was going to be like.  But hey, I tried it anyhow.

I didn't have to wait long for the bus and as I stood in line, I just listened to music to try and calm any pre-race nerves.  I was actually quite calm.  The nerves had hit on friday evening where I was reading everyone elses race reports from previous years.  That was when it truly hit me and I felt overwhelmed by what I was about to do.  I had swam an easy 3,000 yards on friday and felt great.  But I was still nervous that evening.  The morning of the swim-I was calm as could be.  Excited even.

On the bus ride over, I sat next to this chick who was freaking out.  And I mean freaking out.  She asked me if this was my first time, I said yes, then she proceeded to tell me all about how she was pulled out at mile 3 last year for panicking and getting caught by the current.  The rest of our conversation when something like this:

(Me trying to put in the other headphone so I could stop talking)
Her: So what did you do to train for this? 
Me: Swam a lot. 
Her: How are you so calm?! Have you done any other open water events before?
Me: A few with triathlons and some other open water swims..
Her: But this is your first bay swim? Aren't you nervous? Do you just have no fear? 
Me: I just love open water swimming, you will be fine-stop worrying. 
Her: Don't you ever think about falling to the bottom and dieing?!?! 
Me: Uh..no...

At that point we had finally arrived at sandy point and I could pop my other ear piece in.  Man, talk about casual conversation.  I do hope she finished though, but she was not doing herself any favors by freaking herself out.

So we arrived at the registration, picked up my packet and went through the body marking.  At that point it was 8:30 am and the pre-race meeting was at 9:30.  So I had some time to kill.  I accomplished this by messing around on my phone, texting people, playing on the book of faces.  You know, the usual time killer stuff.  The March of Dimes supplied volunteers to man the bag drop off section.  I hit that up around 9 am and only held onto the things I would need for the swim: wet suit, goggles, cap, timing chip, race bib.  After what I thought was an adequate amount of glide put on my body (it wasn't-more on that later), I tied up my stuff, put it where it needed to be and headed back to wait some more.

As I am re-thinking about all of this, it did feel like time moved slowly.  I was so anxious to start.  I met some really cool people.  One dude who was swimming across the bay for his 18th time.  18 times across the bay.  I am happy to have done it once.  When we finally got to the pre-swim meeting, the race organizer Chuck Nabbit filled us in on all of the charities that this race went to helping.  It is truly incredible the amount of people who volunteer and do this without getting paid.  The organization, the safety-it is just very cool.  He went over the tides and information on what to expect.

According to that pre-race meeting, the tides and current were supposed to be in our favor.  The first half of the race the current would be pushing us to the right; the second half, to the left.  Somewhere in the middle was supposed to be a "slack tide".  I didn't quite understand all of it and while I know others were planning their strategy to this, I just thought "stay in the middle".  That was my grand scheme.  Immediately following this, we were told to head down to the beach.  They have everyone divide up "wet suit swimmers" and "non wet suit swimmers".  You walk over the timing belt and they are quite strict about this.  One for race time records, but more importantly for safety and accountability.  I must say, this race stresses safety which was good for me as a first timer to know.

Waiting at the beach seemed like it took no time at all.  I chatted up this one chick who was also doing it for her first time.  And when Chuck counted down to the start it, it was more of a "I can't wait to get in the water...can't believe this day is here" type of feeling.  I adore open water swimming and I was about to have three hours worth of it.

I did not take this photo.  

It was incredible.  The start did not bother me-thank you triathlon!  I didn't really feel jostled or bumped or anything too bad/unmanageable.  It was just incredible to be swimming towards the bay bridge.  It was surreal.  I don't think any other thought was going through my mind at that time other than "This is unreal" and reminding myself to "enjoy this moment-every moment".  It is always, always over too fast and this race was no different.  I remember getting to the one mile marker and thinking "huh, one mile already?".  Looking up and seeing the bay bridge above me and leading out in front of me was simply incredible.  That first mile to two miles was not bad and I don't recall feeling like the current or the chop was difficult.  I was getting into a groove, finding my swimming stroke and just plugging along occupying my mind with different thoughts.  It was a nice break from having to count laps when I would swim long in the pool.  It didn't matter if I paid attention because I didn't have to remember what lap I was one!  The thought of "no more long swims after this!" was also very dominant in my mind.

Again, did not take this photo. 

 It was truly incredible.  There were several times I stopped and would do breast stroke to just look around me.  I wanted to not miss this moment.

I started feeling like it was getting hard after mile 2.  I don't want to say too tough, but I noticed a change.  I didn't feel tired-I generally always do a mental check in on where I am with my body.  I stopped at the first food boat (stationed at mile 1.5 and not 2 like advertised-more on this later).  I swam up, grabbed a hold, the sweet volunteer asked me "What would you like?"  I responded with "Pina Colada!".  Got some laughs from other swimmers and then took a small thing of water and a vanilla wafer.  Not because I needed it, but because I love vanilla wafers.

They said they were at mile 1.5 which was upsetting because I thought they were mile 2.  I was really excited to think I was already at mile 2 and when I found out it was just 1.5, well, I could only thing "well damn".  So I let go and just kept trucking.  This is when I started feeling the chop, feeling the waves and started to almost feel a little sea sick.  I had to time breathing just right to not get face full of water (did not always succeed at this) and several times I had water in stead of air.  It did not phase me at all, but after a while it got annoying.  I think this is what hit me the most with swimming the bay.  By the end, I was just tired of water hitting me in the face.

I started playing songs in my head (britney spears mostly-don't judge me).  I would get halfway through the song, forget where I was, and then have to start over.  It was amusing.  It was also after mile 2 that at one point, I looked up and noticed I was really close to the right hand side of the bridge.  This is where I pointed myself left and bee-lined it to the center.  After recovering from that, I started to pay a bit more attention.  I was NOT going to get pulled out.  The thought did occur to me during the swim, I was fearful of this happening, but I did not want to have to try and enter again for the Bay.  One and done sounded just fine to me.

I remember passing by the three mile balloon and just thinking about putting one arm in front of the other.  Remember how I thought I put enough glide on the back of my neck for the wetsuit?  Well at this point, I could feel it chafing.  I tried to think of anything else except that.  I arrived at the second feed boat.  Asked again for a margarita this time (I have the best jokes), and instead took a bit more water and another vanilla wafer (those cookies are so good!).  I was getting a bit sick to my stomach because of all the bay water I was taking in.  The volunteers were awesome, but they told me (or I misheard) that that red kayaker I could see in the distance was mile 4.  I thought "Hell yes!  Not far at all!'.  I don't think I misheard because when I got to the red kayaker, another swimmer was next to me and we both stopped for a second and said "wait, I thought this was mile 4? What is that balloon down there!?!"   We were then informed that nope, no kayaker as mile 4 but the balloon that seemed way too far away was mile 4.  Well damn.  But the redeeming quality of this was that I could see the shoreline.  I could see the other side.  It was freaking unbelievable.

 The last little bit of coming in from the bridges was rough.  We were fighting the current to get out of the bridge span, swimming directly into it, and at the end of the race-well, it was rough.  I wasn't sure if I was supposed to swim out to this red balloon I saw, or if I was supposed to immediately take a left.  I was a bit confused, tired and ready to be done.  But it was surreal that I was finishing.  I had to not start crying in the water with relief and just, amazement that I was finishing this race.  I had never in my life thought I would swim across the bay.  Never.  Swimming towards the arena, it was shallow enough to stand and I did-stretched out my arms, but returned to swimming since it was easier to do than walk.  And that way I know I swam the entire thing.

It was incredible.  The volunteers at the end were fantastic, helping you up, telling you congratulations and taking off your timing chips.  They help you out of your wet suit and keep you stable.  As I was walking out of the finishing area, I immediately see my mom, friend Lynn and her mom.  I see them and the first thing I said was "that's a long swim".  But I also couldn't believe I finished it.  I finished 4.4 miles across the bay.  It was surreal. Of course, my mom snaps a picture:

Thankfully I don't think I look as bad as I felt.

There were no more vegetarian sandwiches left by the time I got there-that sucked.  But I went to town on some donuts!  Again, the volunteers were super incredible.  The only disappointing thing was they did not hand out medals. :(  I was really hoping to have a medal from this event, but alas, all I get is a t-shirt.  A very bright, neon yellow t-shirt.

All in all-this was an incredible event.  I know that I searched and read so many previous years races reports and so I hope that mine can maybe help someone in their decision and preparation for the event.  In reviewing my training for this event, I probably could have swam more.  I had been swimming all year but started increasing my distance around March.  This probably should have happened earlier.  I think I might do a separate post about my swim training and what I would change (if I ever wanted to do this again).  I am still so happy to have done this.  I am an endurance swimmer and nothing can change that. Never in my life did I think I would be a swimmer like this and I am just so incredibly happy.

<3

On the topic of Race day Anxiety/Excitement.

Most of you know my professional life is spent as a therapist to adults, couples, families and children.  For the most part, I try not to let this seep into my regular life through either "over analyzing" friends/family/etc or any other way.  I may not always succeed at this (sometimes it is tough to take off that therapist hat), but I do my best to not let it get in the way of anything. 

That being said, the following post is all about the techniques I use (or would encourage someone with anxiety) to use to help with pre-race jitters. 

1)  Trust Your Training

 This was said to me by a triathlete peer of mine two years ago when I started training for my half-ironman.  I forget who, and I wish I could remember, because I would thank them for giving me a piece of advice that has stayed with me.  Trust your training.  You've put in the work, you've put in the sweat-time-sacrifice and it is all there, waiting for you to pull on it and use it on the day of the event.  I forget sometimes that I have done the work and put in the time.  It is always good to trust the training and the preparation I have put into each event that I sign up to do.

2)  Visualization

This is something I stress with clients and friends a like.  The mind is a powerful tool and I do not think that people take advantage enough of the power that comes with visualization.  All throughout my long swims I would visualize what I thought it would be like to swim through the bay bridge, in between the supports and looking up to see the road above me.  I imagined what that would look like and painted that scene as vividly as I could in my mind.  It not only helped to keep my sanity in my long swims, but I knew there might be a time or two during the race where I would have a "Oh crap-I can't believe I am doing this" moment and it helps me to prepare for if I feel anything anxious about those moments.  I also imagined the complete nothing I would see looking down in the water.  There would be no black line at the bottom, I would barely be able to see my own hand, and those things don't usually bother me-but I visualized them anyhow.

Visualization can be fantastic if you KNOW you will have a problem with something.  Visualizing yourself having the problem, what you are going to do to overcome it, and then pushing through it with whatever techniques you decide, can be a powerful tool.  For example, if you know you have a hard time with nerves, then one could visualize entering the water, starting to get nervous, doing some back stroke and calming down.  You could end the imagery with walking out of the water victorious and overcoming that anxiety.  Visualization can be powerful folks; don't count it out. 

3)  Realize what you can and cannot control

This is a big one.  I have been stalking the weather non-stop since June 8th showed up in the 10-day forecast on my weather.com app.  Is this helpful? No.  Do I have ANY control whatsoever on which way the weather is going to turn? No.  Do I have ANY control over the current or the waves or any other water conditions on the day of the swim?  Absolutely not.  So yes, I do still continue to stalk the weather forecast but I also only allow myself to worry about it for about 5 minutes.  And then I remind myself I have no control over these factors.  Move on.

4) Find a good Pre-Race Routine

 If you are at all like me, you like some sort of routine before the day of an event.  For me, triathlon pre-event prep includes laying out my transition area, double checking that I have everything, and doing this about twice.  I probably pack and re-pack my back 2 times.  Call me OCD, but it is my routine and well, if you don't like-don't do it.  But there is something calming about my pre-event routine.  I also tend to start waking up super early a week before the event to get my system used to waking up early.  This way, when the night before the race comes, my body is used to falling asleep between 8:30 and 9 and waking up before 5 am.  My system is also used to waking up that early and nothing feels like a jolt.

5)  Really, truly experience the moment

This is another big one for me.  Our races, bike tours, open water swims-they are all over way too quickly.  It might not feel like that in the moment, but it is true.  I constantly remind myself to enjoy each moment of the swim, bike, or run.  Whatever it is I am doing.  I remind myself "this moment will be over too soon-don't waste any of it".  Especially as I am about to take on the bay, I am mixed with some nerves but mostly excitement.  I love open water swimming.  I will be swimming a great distance and in a body of water that is surreal.  And I know it will be over with too fast.  I know it will be challenging and tough.  But it will also only last for a brief moment and I will need to enjoy each of them.  I don't want to miss any of it.  I don't want to take any of it for granted and I hope I can truly soak it all in.  I can't wait.

On a different note, I am so ready to be done swimming so much.  Bring on normal 3,000-4,000 yd swims only. 

So that is what I have for now.  Everyone has different styles and ways they handle their nerves and excitement.  I am merely sharing with you some of mine. 

Good Racing folks.

Holy hilly ride batman

I am going to try and summarize my week of training.  And not make it sound boring....if anyone is actually reading this. To my future self who will look back on this post-ironman: I hope the training I did was good enough to get me across that finish under 17.

First off, I had to take the break from swimming which sucked. My soul manages better when I swim.  It just does.  I finally gave in (and the cut looked much improved) and swam today.  And it felt glorious.  My body was tired; I ran before the swim and the super-ridic-hilly bike on Saturday also added some additional fatigue. But, I still managed a really nice feeling and on-target swim. Bring it bay.  I can't wait. 

My long run was pretty okay.  The last mile of it was at a 9:30 minute pace which felt really good.  I forget that I am training for a marathon again.  It seems surreal.  I just group everything into the title ironman and forget the individual events that includes.  So crazy. 

I am trying not to worry-i find that's my biggest downfall. I get too anxious sometimes.  I need to start kicking up the bike and really adding on the miles...that's my weakest and the longest portion.  So the game plan is a nice and easy 25-30 next weekend so as not to kill my legs before the bay swim and then trying to tack on a 60.

Thank god tomorrow is a rest day.  Hoping to get in 10+ training hours next week.  Due to not swimming, only manages 8.5 this week.

On the swimming Bench

Well, courtesy of this annoying cut:

I am currently on the swimming bench until it heals. The problem is, had I not been swimming on it the last week, it may be further along in the healing process then where it currently is. But, being the idiot that I am at times, I just kept swimming. (Say that and don't think about Dorry from finding nemo-you can't, can you?) So in order to prevent further delay of this healing process, I am going to just keep myself out of the pool. Which is tough. I like swimming. I also am going to try my best not to worry about losing fitness or endurance. I completed an 8,000 yard swim last week and felt good. My fitness is there and I have to remind myself to trust my training for this Bay. Plus, if the cut doesn't heal, then I will not be in the Bay at all because the last thing I need is a bacteria infection for swimming 2+ hours in the awful bay.

So I guess I will just do some more strength training and use the tubing exercises (thank you Sheila for those.

Overall, the last weekend went well. I rounded out the end of my training week with a light swim in the morning on sunday in the wetsuit. I always forget how incredible easy it is to swim in my wetsuit. I forget and then start to worry that I will somehow not be able to swim as well, but as soon as I jump into the water with the wetsuit and get going. Well, it's like nothing else. I love open water swimming-can't wait for this race and to look up and be seeing the bay bridge above me. I think about it now and it just seems like it will be amazing. As soon as it is 10 days away, I will be stalking that forecast like no other. Keep your fingers crossed for good weather and a nice current.

My run on sunday was a whole different matter. I could not get going. I had some GI issues in the morning (thank you sensitive system) which left me feeling not 100%. So when I went out to run (much later in the day than anticipated), I just could not get going and what was supposed to be a 7 mile run turned into a 3.5. I told myself it didn't matter and that it was better than nothing so hopefully I can redeem myself this week for such a crappy run. This upcoming week I hope to really get on board with the schedule now that my tuesday night evening class is over. Tonight I hope to beat out the impending thunder storms with going down to Hains Point in DC for some bike laps. Apparently it is a fairly popular location-we will see what it has in store.

Hopeful training hours this week: 10-13

Is this bay swim over yet?

Today is, as I like to think of it, phase 3 in my weekend workouts. 

Friday I started with my usual long swim.  8,000 yards in the pool, back and forth, back and forth....it makes me wonder what the life guards think when I show up and then leave two and a half hours later.  But alas, I finished the swim and felt strangely good.  You know that you are swimming too much when a 4,000 feels like warm up and 6,000 still feels pretty good. I am ready for this bay swim to be over. Soon. 

Saturday turned out to be a super nice bike through the farm roads of davidsonville md.  A route I though would be flat turned out to be more hills than flat road.  There were some nice rollers and some challenging ones that took me out of the saddle.   In the end, I finished the near 50 mile (48.6) bike with energy to spare and not wanting to quit biking all together.  I think this has something to do with my new steed, a blue triad ex TT bike.  I am in love with it. 

The rest of my workout today includes a 3-4,000 yd swim with the wetsuit followed by a 6-7 mile run.  Last week I felt pretty decent with the run...we will see how today goes. 
Not sure how many days until ironman....should figure that out.