Panic mode

Well I can't believe it is september.  Last weekend I completed my longest weekend combo package yet: a 94 mile bike followed by an 18 mile run the next day.  It seems surreal.  I can't believe that a) it is september and b) i have finally entered the taper period.  Granted, this weekend still holds a 70ish mile bike and a 12-13 mile run.  But still...the next time I go long it will be in the race.  Which brings us to the feature point for this post: cue freakout...

To say it has been an up and down ride the last few days would be putting it mildly.  I nearly started tearing up while riding the course, thinking about the fact that the next time I would be on it would be for the actual race.  The actual Ironman.  I can't believe that the last year of my focus will be coming to a head in a mere two and a half weeks.  I am both excited, nervous, and terrified all at the same time.  I am emotional and overwhelmed by the journey.  I am emotional and overwhelmed by what I have been pushing my body through over these last 6-12 months.  It just is a lot.  Not to mention, my body is just plain tired from all that I have been asking it to do.

There are moments when I start to panic and just fear that I haven't been doing enough.  I start to what if.  What if I fall apart on the run?  What if I get nauseous on the bike? What if I have GI issues during the whole thing?  What if I don't make it in enough time?  What if I am not good enough?  What if I completely fail?  I try not to dwell on these and focus on the negatives, but I would be absolutely kidding you if I said those thoughts and doubts were non existent.  They are fully existent.  And living in my head, swirling around and around in what feels like a constant roller coaster between giddiness/excitement and dread.

On one hand, I really can't wait for the race to be here so that I can just start it...do it and push myself through it.  I daydream non stop of that finish line and what it is going to feel like to walk across it: dead exhausted and probably the most emotional I have been in a long time.  I also fear that and know that the time goes by too quick.  Even when biking the 94 miles this last weekend it felt like it went by super fast.  And that took 6 hours! It is just surreal.  This whole experience has been a completely surreal one.  I have sacrificed so much of this summer and the past year in focusing for this race and now it is almost here.

I think my goal over the next two and a half weeks is to try and stay healthy (which is why I am sitting here writing this and not on the bike; damn cold-like feeling), try to stay focused and just try to relish these last few days before the BIG day.

oh and try not to panic.  Too much...