The Ironman Struggle is real...

I am feeling stuck. 

And only with one thing.

The bike.

That's her.  I haven't named her yet.  But she's pretty.  And light.  And everything wonderful. 

And I am getting so tired of riding her. 

There was a point where she transformed my feelings about the bike.  Prior to her, I rode a Felt road bike that was a size too big and I didn't even REALIZE it until I got on my Blue.  And then I realized, "OH, so this is what a good fitting bike feels like!".  It was amazing and I was in love. 

Don't get me wrong, I am still very much in love.  But I just can't seem to get focused-I am dreading some of the long rides that I know await me and in the same sense, wanting to do them because I want this race so bad.  I cannot wait to be doing the Ironman. 

I am also not sure how much of this is just a..being tired of being so focused.  I can generally be a very Type A, focused individual and shut everything else out.  But lately I'm noticing that I will think about the beach, or doing something on a weekend like kayaking...and I am noticing that my attention is elsewhere.  Summer is flying by and I have these pangs of wishing I could do more "summer" activities. 

And then I remember Ironman.  I know it will be worth it and I know that I will just have to push through-that these feelings of distraction I have will not last for long.  But man is it a struggle sometimes.  I don't have it with swimming and I don't have it with running.  In fact, in my run I can just go-I might be slow, but I can definitely just keep going.  This last weekend was my longest run yet.  On thursday I did an easy 6 miles followed by friday with 15.  I was tired and my legs were sore, but I felt good.  I've been picking up my swim speeds and doing repeats in order to build a faster pace hopefully.  And those feel great. 

But this damn bike.  I just can't seem to get re-focused.  Really hoping that this week is a turn around.  I am going to just reframe things in my mind, I am going to think about how it will feel to know I put in everything I could into this training and I am going to remind myself to stay focused. 

Ironman is September 20th.  I have 5 weeks of solid focus until it is taper time.  That is also a big driving factor; I don't have much time left.  It's time to leave it all out there so that on race day, I can just celebrate all of my hard work. 

The hardest part...

I am beginning to believe that the hardest part of ironman will not be the actual race itself.  It is definitely feeling like the hardest part is staying focused through weeks and weeks of this intense training.  I knew it was going to be tough and that it would be time consuming, but you never really know what something will be like until you go through it.  It has been intense.  I feel like everything on my mind is Ironman.  Every week the focus is on training.  Every weekend the focus is on what long rides/runs I will be doing.  I feel like when I get to race day, I will breathe this HUGE sigh of relief knowing that I will be done. 

I remember it feeling that way with the bay swim as well.  By the time I got to swimming IN the bay, I could only think "This is the last long swim I have to do for a while".  I still always have my mantra of "Enjoy the moment" going through my head, but I can definitely tell making it through these last few months will be tough. 

Race day is September 20.  That puts us at roughly 9 weeks away.  I am really hoping to get in my first 100 mile bike at the end of this month.  In August, I hope to be doing 80-100 mile rides nearly every weekend.  I had a 76 mile ride this last weekend which felt like the death of me for a few reasons. 1) The heat was getting to me.  I need to have a heat plan.  2) I had a sore area from my bike saddle.  It started at mile 20 and let me tell you, going another 50+ just makes for some hellish riding.  I couldn't get into it. 

I keep trying to tell myself to just stay focused and push through.  If I can get through the end of this month and through the rest of August, I will be home safe.  The big stuff is just starting to really pick up and the intense distances are coming.  Thankfully, in gearing up for the long run-I can draw on my past experiences with marathon training.  I know what that demon looks like.  I find myself worrying more about the bike and really pushing through at a pace that I am okay with.  Why can't my favorite part of the race be the longest?  Bring on the swimming! 

I just need to make it to September....

Being an endurance athlete with a GI disease

Recently there has been a fair amount of recognition in the media and on social networks regarding the woman Bethany Townshend and her picture with a colostomy bag. It really is a great picture and you can find one news coverage of her story here:  Townshend story

I definitely don't think that inflammatory diseases get enough attention.  And I also understand why.  Who wants to talk about their problems with gas, diarrhea, blood, or pain?  Most of the time when you hear anything about these types of issues-it is through a commercial with someone in a restaurant or other public place; their thoughts are voiced often along the lines of "Will I have to go home early?" "Will I be close enough to the bathroom?"  "Will I make it through this?".  And then it is followed promptly by a drug advertisement. 

But recently, thanks in most to the woman I mentioned above, there has been a new face to the inflammatory diseases.  It seems there has been more movement with women (and men) coming out with pictures of them and their colostomy bags.  All of them standing proud to show they will not be won over by their disease.  It is definitely empowering and moving to see this type of response.  I hope it continues and brings more attention to this chronic condition.

I know a thing or two about this being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis myself.  It is not easy to deal with and at times is a constant struggle.  Lately, it has been debilitating in how it is interrupting my training and my life in general.  Sometimes those advertisements are right: you do constantly worry about what you will feel, or how something you eat will react, or when your disease will flare up.  I am still learning how to manage my nutrition, training needs and medication so that I can move forward without pain or without many symptoms.  Let me just say, ironman training has been interesting. The last two weeks particularly difficult as I have been dealing with a flare up (that's UC talk for when symptoms are really evident).  I don't think I would be making it through this without my friends or support.  For those of you reading this, seriously: thank you. 

It's strange to think I will be living with this forever.  I think there are times anyone with any type of chronic disease that will *never* *go* *away* thinks this.  I am not sure if science is anywhere near finding a cure, but in the meantime, it is medication and nutrition that will be fueling managing this for me.  And if I am being honest, I do worry that I will end up as one of those with a colostomy bag.  I do worry that my disease will progress and shift into something worse.  I do worry when I hear statistics that link inflammatory diseases with colon cancer.  But I try not to let it stick into my mind and I try to stay focused on what is right in front of me.

Today I can say my GI feels good. It might not be like that tomorrow or the day after, but for today it feels good.  I train according to my body and I have to really start keeping that in perspective as I move forward with some really heavy Ironman training loads.  I will be tracking my nutrition, cutting out those foods that seem to trigger symptoms and working with my specialist on what is best for me medication wise.  And that is all I can do for today. 

I encourage anyone who wants to know more or who wants to help out in the quest for a cure to locate their Crohn's and Colitis Foundation chapter and see how to get involved.  In the meantime, I will be out swimming, running and biking until they do.