Well I can't believe it is september. Last weekend I completed my longest weekend combo package yet: a 94 mile bike followed by an 18 mile run the next day. It seems surreal. I can't believe that a) it is september and b) i have finally entered the taper period. Granted, this weekend still holds a 70ish mile bike and a 12-13 mile run. But still...the next time I go long it will be in the race. Which brings us to the feature point for this post: cue freakout...
To say it has been an up and down ride the last few days would be putting it mildly. I nearly started tearing up while riding the course, thinking about the fact that the next time I would be on it would be for the actual race. The actual Ironman. I can't believe that the last year of my focus will be coming to a head in a mere two and a half weeks. I am both excited, nervous, and terrified all at the same time. I am emotional and overwhelmed by the journey. I am emotional and overwhelmed by what I have been pushing my body through over these last 6-12 months. It just is a lot. Not to mention, my body is just plain tired from all that I have been asking it to do.
There are moments when I start to panic and just fear that I haven't been doing enough. I start to what if. What if I fall apart on the run? What if I get nauseous on the bike? What if I have GI issues during the whole thing? What if I don't make it in enough time? What if I am not good enough? What if I completely fail? I try not to dwell on these and focus on the negatives, but I would be absolutely kidding you if I said those thoughts and doubts were non existent. They are fully existent. And living in my head, swirling around and around in what feels like a constant roller coaster between giddiness/excitement and dread.
On one hand, I really can't wait for the race to be here so that I can just start it...do it and push myself through it. I daydream non stop of that finish line and what it is going to feel like to walk across it: dead exhausted and probably the most emotional I have been in a long time. I also fear that and know that the time goes by too quick. Even when biking the 94 miles this last weekend it felt like it went by super fast. And that took 6 hours! It is just surreal. This whole experience has been a completely surreal one. I have sacrificed so much of this summer and the past year in focusing for this race and now it is almost here.
I think my goal over the next two and a half weeks is to try and stay healthy (which is why I am sitting here writing this and not on the bike; damn cold-like feeling), try to stay focused and just try to relish these last few days before the BIG day.
oh and try not to panic. Too much...
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
Training fantasies...
That's right. It is time I share with you the things I sometimes allow myself to fantasize about when in the middle of some ridiculously long run, bike or swim.
I am not sure you can handle this. I bet you think it is something fantastically raunchy don't you?
Well I hate to burst your bubble. Because it's not. Its actually rather bland and boring. I think lately what I find myself dreaming and fantasizing about is all the other things I plan on doing with my free time once this race is over. Don't get me wrong, I love training. But I am ready to be able to do something other than train on my weekends again. I am also terrified/excited for that day to come. Since it also means the race is over and the day I have spent the last year preparing for has come and gone. I have spent so much of my time dreaming about the ironman and finishing that it is going to be surreal when it's over. You know there is such a thing as post-ironman blues. Another post on that later.
For now, here is my fantasy list!
1. Staying up past 10
Oh man, do I even really need to explain this? I can't wait to not have to worry about bed time.
2. Horses
I miss riding so much. I miss the smell of a barn. I want to get back into horses. Sometimes when I am running through rock creek I will pass horses and it just makes me day dream about this more...
3. Swimming
I know, I know...you are probably thinking WHY am I dreaming about this when I am doing this? Well I really want to join a masters team and hone my swimming. I love it.
4. A painting and wine class
You know, one of those places where you go, drink a few glasses of wine and take an art class. I am really really wanting to do that.
5. Running time
Again, I know...I am already doing this. But I want to focus more on getting my average speed down. Right now I am just focusing on the miles. I want to get back to a sub 9 mile. That used to be where I was.
6. Baking
God I miss being able to bake. I want to get back to baking bread. Such a good smell.
7. Agility training
I really want to take my one dog shickaray to this agility training. I think she'd be awesome at it. And it'd be good for her.
8. Sign language
I miss being able to do more with learning this beautiful language. I can't wait to attend more silent dinners and events.
9. Sleeping in
I can't wait to have my weekends returned to me. When I can sleep in and....
10. BRUNCH
Man do I miss brunch. I never get to go anymore due to the ridiculous hours of training but man oh man....brunch-when this is all over, I am coming for you.
Even with all these things I think about, I also remind myself to stay present. I know the race will be here soon enough. I have a few more weeks to really focus and I will thank myself on race day that I did. This upcoming weekend will be one of my longest training weekends including a 100+ mile bike and a run somewhere between 18-20 miles.
It will be worth it. And then I will go stay up until 11, drinking wine and painting while on a horse and taking my dog around an agility course.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Just give me a permanent IV...
I feel like the Dr. Appointments are hitting it hard these last few weeks. A week ago, I finally made an appointment with a new GI Dr. up at Mercy Hospital. I had previously seen them but then transferred (ever so briefly) to a GI Dr at Georgetown University. I decided I did not like him-he was an ass. Should probably go back to the bedside manners 101 class.
So upon making this new appointment and meeting with this very in-depth and much more likeable Doctor, there are going to be some changes. The first thing that kinda threw me for a loop was her impression that my disease has shifted from mild to moderate. Sigh. Great. Secondly, she talked to me about switching to a new medication. For the past few years, I have been taking daily pills of Lialda. No big deal and they seemed to work for the most part. Or at least, I thought they did. July was a rough month for me and my GI system since it seemed it was so easily triggered and I just could not get any relief. So now this new DR is thinking it is time for a change in medication. She wants me to switch to Remicaid which would be infused into my system. This is kinda scary. I don't really like the idea of going for infusions of a biological drug. It just freaks me out a bit.
So in order to really assess where everything stands-I have to go in for another colonoscopy. Fun fun. That will happen next Thursday. They really aren't that big of a deal and more of a hassle in terms of work/training. It will happen in the morning and when I made the comment to my Dr "great! I will have plenty of time to bike later then!". She gave me the stink eye and told me I shouldn't. I will consider listening to her.
So if the possibility of infusions of Remicaid were not enough, then the nurse practitioner called me with my bloodwork results. Low Iron and Low Vitamin D. Both she said are very common for patients with UC or Crohns'. She said my Iron results were so low that I need to go see a Hematologist in order to receive Iron Infusions. Which also had me kinda confused. If you have low iron, that is supposed to equate to low energy right? And if my energy was that low then why am I not dead and dragging with all this training? And if I get the infusions, will I be superman energy? If that's the case-can I please have some right before the ironman race? K, thanks-bye. ;-)
So I am basically going to be infusing things left and right. Maybe I can convince them to infuse something fun while they are at it...
So upon making this new appointment and meeting with this very in-depth and much more likeable Doctor, there are going to be some changes. The first thing that kinda threw me for a loop was her impression that my disease has shifted from mild to moderate. Sigh. Great. Secondly, she talked to me about switching to a new medication. For the past few years, I have been taking daily pills of Lialda. No big deal and they seemed to work for the most part. Or at least, I thought they did. July was a rough month for me and my GI system since it seemed it was so easily triggered and I just could not get any relief. So now this new DR is thinking it is time for a change in medication. She wants me to switch to Remicaid which would be infused into my system. This is kinda scary. I don't really like the idea of going for infusions of a biological drug. It just freaks me out a bit.
So in order to really assess where everything stands-I have to go in for another colonoscopy. Fun fun. That will happen next Thursday. They really aren't that big of a deal and more of a hassle in terms of work/training. It will happen in the morning and when I made the comment to my Dr "great! I will have plenty of time to bike later then!". She gave me the stink eye and told me I shouldn't. I will consider listening to her.
So if the possibility of infusions of Remicaid were not enough, then the nurse practitioner called me with my bloodwork results. Low Iron and Low Vitamin D. Both she said are very common for patients with UC or Crohns'. She said my Iron results were so low that I need to go see a Hematologist in order to receive Iron Infusions. Which also had me kinda confused. If you have low iron, that is supposed to equate to low energy right? And if my energy was that low then why am I not dead and dragging with all this training? And if I get the infusions, will I be superman energy? If that's the case-can I please have some right before the ironman race? K, thanks-bye. ;-)
So I am basically going to be infusing things left and right. Maybe I can convince them to infuse something fun while they are at it...
Monday, August 4, 2014
Breaking through the bike barrier
I am happy to say I think I have pushed past the mental block between me and my bike. This past week has felt really good when it comes to my biking-can't say the same for my run, but I suppose win some-lose some yeah? Having ran a marathon before, I have a bit more of a mental grip on my run vs. the bike. I haven't always loved the bike. I was feeling so down and beating up on myself the past two weeks in relation to biking. I couldn't stay focused. And I had a saddle sore that would not seem to leave me be.
This week has been different. I started using aquaphor to help out with chafing and it seems that is doing the trick. Thank GOD. I was feeling miserable. But on the bike rides last week, I enjoyed every single one of them and made it out without any soreness in the saddle area. SUCCESS! I tried a new route on thursday which always kinda makes me nervous. Not the new route, exploring somewhere part-but doing it by myself. I don't really like to do that too often simply for safety reasons. I knew this area somewhat, but decided to just go for it anyhow while taking as many necessary safety precautions I could.
It ended up being an absolutely beautiful ride. Most of the roads were pretty safe-there was one part where I was on a more traffic-busy road, but it was not for long and the shoulder was pretty wide. Some rolling hills with nothing too difficult. Passed a TON of horses (and a donkey) and ended up down by the water at one point. Totally unexpected and beautiful ride. It was a nice breath of fresh air instead of going to my usual biking point. I think it is important to switch up the training ride route on occasion.
So I left the week-day rides feeling great. Onto the weekend long ride-the real test. It ended up being a fantastic ride. 75 miles with good company and with pretty decent weather. That part ended up being a huge surprise because the forecast was looking shady all week predicting thunderstorms all day. The temperature stayed cool for the most part and we did not get rained on-both a win in my book! I felt great though. My legs didn't feel too spent at the end, I felt like I could go for longer, and while we had some climbs at the end of the ride-I didn't swear off biking while doing them.
My run on the other hand-was not the best feeling. Physically, I was all there and able to go-but mentally I was just done. After starting so late on the bike saturday, the ride ended up taking all day. I think mentally I was just tired of training after that and wanted to be done. Still got in 11 miles, but not quite the distance I wanted. I also realize I need to do more running prep work during the week. I had let that slide this past week and I noticed a difference.
15.5 hours spent training. 4 more weeks until taper. Ironman is NEXT MONTH.
This week has been different. I started using aquaphor to help out with chafing and it seems that is doing the trick. Thank GOD. I was feeling miserable. But on the bike rides last week, I enjoyed every single one of them and made it out without any soreness in the saddle area. SUCCESS! I tried a new route on thursday which always kinda makes me nervous. Not the new route, exploring somewhere part-but doing it by myself. I don't really like to do that too often simply for safety reasons. I knew this area somewhat, but decided to just go for it anyhow while taking as many necessary safety precautions I could.
It ended up being an absolutely beautiful ride. Most of the roads were pretty safe-there was one part where I was on a more traffic-busy road, but it was not for long and the shoulder was pretty wide. Some rolling hills with nothing too difficult. Passed a TON of horses (and a donkey) and ended up down by the water at one point. Totally unexpected and beautiful ride. It was a nice breath of fresh air instead of going to my usual biking point. I think it is important to switch up the training ride route on occasion.
So I left the week-day rides feeling great. Onto the weekend long ride-the real test. It ended up being a fantastic ride. 75 miles with good company and with pretty decent weather. That part ended up being a huge surprise because the forecast was looking shady all week predicting thunderstorms all day. The temperature stayed cool for the most part and we did not get rained on-both a win in my book! I felt great though. My legs didn't feel too spent at the end, I felt like I could go for longer, and while we had some climbs at the end of the ride-I didn't swear off biking while doing them.
My run on the other hand-was not the best feeling. Physically, I was all there and able to go-but mentally I was just done. After starting so late on the bike saturday, the ride ended up taking all day. I think mentally I was just tired of training after that and wanted to be done. Still got in 11 miles, but not quite the distance I wanted. I also realize I need to do more running prep work during the week. I had let that slide this past week and I noticed a difference.
15.5 hours spent training. 4 more weeks until taper. Ironman is NEXT MONTH.
Monday, July 28, 2014
The Ironman Struggle is real...
I am feeling stuck.
And only with one thing.
The bike.
That's her. I haven't named her yet. But she's pretty. And light. And everything wonderful.
And I am getting so tired of riding her.
There was a point where she transformed my feelings about the bike. Prior to her, I rode a Felt road bike that was a size too big and I didn't even REALIZE it until I got on my Blue. And then I realized, "OH, so this is what a good fitting bike feels like!". It was amazing and I was in love.
Don't get me wrong, I am still very much in love. But I just can't seem to get focused-I am dreading some of the long rides that I know await me and in the same sense, wanting to do them because I want this race so bad. I cannot wait to be doing the Ironman.
I am also not sure how much of this is just a..being tired of being so focused. I can generally be a very Type A, focused individual and shut everything else out. But lately I'm noticing that I will think about the beach, or doing something on a weekend like kayaking...and I am noticing that my attention is elsewhere. Summer is flying by and I have these pangs of wishing I could do more "summer" activities.
And then I remember Ironman. I know it will be worth it and I know that I will just have to push through-that these feelings of distraction I have will not last for long. But man is it a struggle sometimes. I don't have it with swimming and I don't have it with running. In fact, in my run I can just go-I might be slow, but I can definitely just keep going. This last weekend was my longest run yet. On thursday I did an easy 6 miles followed by friday with 15. I was tired and my legs were sore, but I felt good. I've been picking up my swim speeds and doing repeats in order to build a faster pace hopefully. And those feel great.
But this damn bike. I just can't seem to get re-focused. Really hoping that this week is a turn around. I am going to just reframe things in my mind, I am going to think about how it will feel to know I put in everything I could into this training and I am going to remind myself to stay focused.
Ironman is September 20th. I have 5 weeks of solid focus until it is taper time. That is also a big driving factor; I don't have much time left. It's time to leave it all out there so that on race day, I can just celebrate all of my hard work.
And only with one thing.
The bike.
And I am getting so tired of riding her.
There was a point where she transformed my feelings about the bike. Prior to her, I rode a Felt road bike that was a size too big and I didn't even REALIZE it until I got on my Blue. And then I realized, "OH, so this is what a good fitting bike feels like!". It was amazing and I was in love.
Don't get me wrong, I am still very much in love. But I just can't seem to get focused-I am dreading some of the long rides that I know await me and in the same sense, wanting to do them because I want this race so bad. I cannot wait to be doing the Ironman.
I am also not sure how much of this is just a..being tired of being so focused. I can generally be a very Type A, focused individual and shut everything else out. But lately I'm noticing that I will think about the beach, or doing something on a weekend like kayaking...and I am noticing that my attention is elsewhere. Summer is flying by and I have these pangs of wishing I could do more "summer" activities.
And then I remember Ironman. I know it will be worth it and I know that I will just have to push through-that these feelings of distraction I have will not last for long. But man is it a struggle sometimes. I don't have it with swimming and I don't have it with running. In fact, in my run I can just go-I might be slow, but I can definitely just keep going. This last weekend was my longest run yet. On thursday I did an easy 6 miles followed by friday with 15. I was tired and my legs were sore, but I felt good. I've been picking up my swim speeds and doing repeats in order to build a faster pace hopefully. And those feel great.
But this damn bike. I just can't seem to get re-focused. Really hoping that this week is a turn around. I am going to just reframe things in my mind, I am going to think about how it will feel to know I put in everything I could into this training and I am going to remind myself to stay focused.
Ironman is September 20th. I have 5 weeks of solid focus until it is taper time. That is also a big driving factor; I don't have much time left. It's time to leave it all out there so that on race day, I can just celebrate all of my hard work.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
The hardest part...
I am beginning to believe that the hardest part of ironman will not be the actual race itself. It is definitely feeling like the hardest part is staying focused through weeks and weeks of this intense training. I knew it was going to be tough and that it would be time consuming, but you never really know what something will be like until you go through it. It has been intense. I feel like everything on my mind is Ironman. Every week the focus is on training. Every weekend the focus is on what long rides/runs I will be doing. I feel like when I get to race day, I will breathe this HUGE sigh of relief knowing that I will be done.
I remember it feeling that way with the bay swim as well. By the time I got to swimming IN the bay, I could only think "This is the last long swim I have to do for a while". I still always have my mantra of "Enjoy the moment" going through my head, but I can definitely tell making it through these last few months will be tough.
Race day is September 20. That puts us at roughly 9 weeks away. I am really hoping to get in my first 100 mile bike at the end of this month. In August, I hope to be doing 80-100 mile rides nearly every weekend. I had a 76 mile ride this last weekend which felt like the death of me for a few reasons. 1) The heat was getting to me. I need to have a heat plan. 2) I had a sore area from my bike saddle. It started at mile 20 and let me tell you, going another 50+ just makes for some hellish riding. I couldn't get into it.
I keep trying to tell myself to just stay focused and push through. If I can get through the end of this month and through the rest of August, I will be home safe. The big stuff is just starting to really pick up and the intense distances are coming. Thankfully, in gearing up for the long run-I can draw on my past experiences with marathon training. I know what that demon looks like. I find myself worrying more about the bike and really pushing through at a pace that I am okay with. Why can't my favorite part of the race be the longest? Bring on the swimming!
I just need to make it to September....
I remember it feeling that way with the bay swim as well. By the time I got to swimming IN the bay, I could only think "This is the last long swim I have to do for a while". I still always have my mantra of "Enjoy the moment" going through my head, but I can definitely tell making it through these last few months will be tough.
Race day is September 20. That puts us at roughly 9 weeks away. I am really hoping to get in my first 100 mile bike at the end of this month. In August, I hope to be doing 80-100 mile rides nearly every weekend. I had a 76 mile ride this last weekend which felt like the death of me for a few reasons. 1) The heat was getting to me. I need to have a heat plan. 2) I had a sore area from my bike saddle. It started at mile 20 and let me tell you, going another 50+ just makes for some hellish riding. I couldn't get into it.
I keep trying to tell myself to just stay focused and push through. If I can get through the end of this month and through the rest of August, I will be home safe. The big stuff is just starting to really pick up and the intense distances are coming. Thankfully, in gearing up for the long run-I can draw on my past experiences with marathon training. I know what that demon looks like. I find myself worrying more about the bike and really pushing through at a pace that I am okay with. Why can't my favorite part of the race be the longest? Bring on the swimming!
I just need to make it to September....
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Being an endurance athlete with a GI disease
Recently there has been a fair amount of recognition in the media and on social networks regarding the woman Bethany Townshend and her picture with a colostomy bag. It really is a great picture and you can find one news coverage of her story here: Townshend story
I definitely don't think that inflammatory diseases get enough attention. And I also understand why. Who wants to talk about their problems with gas, diarrhea, blood, or pain? Most of the time when you hear anything about these types of issues-it is through a commercial with someone in a restaurant or other public place; their thoughts are voiced often along the lines of "Will I have to go home early?" "Will I be close enough to the bathroom?" "Will I make it through this?". And then it is followed promptly by a drug advertisement.
But recently, thanks in most to the woman I mentioned above, there has been a new face to the inflammatory diseases. It seems there has been more movement with women (and men) coming out with pictures of them and their colostomy bags. All of them standing proud to show they will not be won over by their disease. It is definitely empowering and moving to see this type of response. I hope it continues and brings more attention to this chronic condition.
I know a thing or two about this being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis myself. It is not easy to deal with and at times is a constant struggle. Lately, it has been debilitating in how it is interrupting my training and my life in general. Sometimes those advertisements are right: you do constantly worry about what you will feel, or how something you eat will react, or when your disease will flare up. I am still learning how to manage my nutrition, training needs and medication so that I can move forward without pain or without many symptoms. Let me just say, ironman training has been interesting. The last two weeks particularly difficult as I have been dealing with a flare up (that's UC talk for when symptoms are really evident). I don't think I would be making it through this without my friends or support. For those of you reading this, seriously: thank you.
It's strange to think I will be living with this forever. I think there are times anyone with any type of chronic disease that will *never* *go* *away* thinks this. I am not sure if science is anywhere near finding a cure, but in the meantime, it is medication and nutrition that will be fueling managing this for me. And if I am being honest, I do worry that I will end up as one of those with a colostomy bag. I do worry that my disease will progress and shift into something worse. I do worry when I hear statistics that link inflammatory diseases with colon cancer. But I try not to let it stick into my mind and I try to stay focused on what is right in front of me.
Today I can say my GI feels good. It might not be like that tomorrow or the day after, but for today it feels good. I train according to my body and I have to really start keeping that in perspective as I move forward with some really heavy Ironman training loads. I will be tracking my nutrition, cutting out those foods that seem to trigger symptoms and working with my specialist on what is best for me medication wise. And that is all I can do for today.
I encourage anyone who wants to know more or who wants to help out in the quest for a cure to locate their Crohn's and Colitis Foundation chapter and see how to get involved. In the meantime, I will be out swimming, running and biking until they do.
I definitely don't think that inflammatory diseases get enough attention. And I also understand why. Who wants to talk about their problems with gas, diarrhea, blood, or pain? Most of the time when you hear anything about these types of issues-it is through a commercial with someone in a restaurant or other public place; their thoughts are voiced often along the lines of "Will I have to go home early?" "Will I be close enough to the bathroom?" "Will I make it through this?". And then it is followed promptly by a drug advertisement.
But recently, thanks in most to the woman I mentioned above, there has been a new face to the inflammatory diseases. It seems there has been more movement with women (and men) coming out with pictures of them and their colostomy bags. All of them standing proud to show they will not be won over by their disease. It is definitely empowering and moving to see this type of response. I hope it continues and brings more attention to this chronic condition.
I know a thing or two about this being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis myself. It is not easy to deal with and at times is a constant struggle. Lately, it has been debilitating in how it is interrupting my training and my life in general. Sometimes those advertisements are right: you do constantly worry about what you will feel, or how something you eat will react, or when your disease will flare up. I am still learning how to manage my nutrition, training needs and medication so that I can move forward without pain or without many symptoms. Let me just say, ironman training has been interesting. The last two weeks particularly difficult as I have been dealing with a flare up (that's UC talk for when symptoms are really evident). I don't think I would be making it through this without my friends or support. For those of you reading this, seriously: thank you.
It's strange to think I will be living with this forever. I think there are times anyone with any type of chronic disease that will *never* *go* *away* thinks this. I am not sure if science is anywhere near finding a cure, but in the meantime, it is medication and nutrition that will be fueling managing this for me. And if I am being honest, I do worry that I will end up as one of those with a colostomy bag. I do worry that my disease will progress and shift into something worse. I do worry when I hear statistics that link inflammatory diseases with colon cancer. But I try not to let it stick into my mind and I try to stay focused on what is right in front of me.
Today I can say my GI feels good. It might not be like that tomorrow or the day after, but for today it feels good. I train according to my body and I have to really start keeping that in perspective as I move forward with some really heavy Ironman training loads. I will be tracking my nutrition, cutting out those foods that seem to trigger symptoms and working with my specialist on what is best for me medication wise. And that is all I can do for today.
I encourage anyone who wants to know more or who wants to help out in the quest for a cure to locate their Crohn's and Colitis Foundation chapter and see how to get involved. In the meantime, I will be out swimming, running and biking until they do.
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