4 days. 4 days until a race I have been planning for for over a year. I started training for the Richmond marathon (november last year) with the plan of doing Ironman this year. It just feels surreal to finally have something you have been waiting for and working towards for such a long time to finally be here. Utterly surreal. And almost like it isn't really happening. I keep wondering if I will wake up and this is just a dream and I still have another month to go.
The last few months have been hard. And I even worry that I haven't been training enough. I keep going through moments of feeling confident, then switching to panic, then moving back to feeling at calm. It's like the emotions are in a spin cycle. I have a huge respect for this race: for the distance and the toughness it will take to complete it. I can only hope I am up to snuff. I keep imagining different parts of the race. Maybe a part where I feel nauseous but I push through anyhow. Or a part on the run when my legs want to give out-but I push through anyhow. I may not fully know yet how difficult this is going to be, but I am trying to focus on one fact: no matter what, I can push through.
I was thinking the other day about the reasons to do Ironman. I really want the sticker. The 140.6 But besides that, I have always enjoyed the race against myself. I have never been the super competitive, when things get hard-go faster to win type of person. I have always been more in tune with the events where you are pushed against yourself. Pole-vault and high jump were my main things in high school. While I wanted to finish well, it was more about doing better than my last jump or last vault. I have always been more of an internally motivated athlete vs. one who excels against competition. This is what has drawn me to endurance sports. I can push myself and test my limits. I know I am not out there to win anything and that is fine with me because the only person I am racing against is myself. And this is the spirit I hope to bring to Ironman saturday.
To push through what might feel impossible. I am excited, nervous, eager, terrified, and in awe of what will be happening in the next few days. In all of it, I am going to trust I have spent the past year preparing my body and getting it ready for what I am about to ask it to do. So in this moment, I am calm..
I am sure in five minutes I will be back to freaking out.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Thursday, September 11, 2014
9 days and counting...
Well we are under the ten day mark, believe it or not. I have officially started stalking the weather. Not that it makes much of a difference- I have no control over the weather, but it will make a difference in how I prepare mentally. I know if it's hotter, then I will need to prepare with grabbing ice to keep my core cool and sponges to make sure the heat doesn't get to me. While 80 degrees (current prediction) might not seem too bad, biking constantly in the sun with no break will make it feel warmer.
I still feel like it is all a dream. I can't believe that the day I have been preparing for for over a year is pretty much here. I started thinking about this when I signed up for the Richmond marathon in November this year. I was also thinking ironman when I did the bay swim. All of this endurance has been building for over a year and I am reminding myself of this each time I freak out. I hope I did enough training and I really just need to trust that.
Going into this, I don't really have an expectation of time. I want to just finish. I have a goal time for the swim and an idea of the pace I want on the bike. Other than that, my main goal is to just finish. And I want to enjoy it. I have worked so hard and I really want to take in all of race day. The whole experience. Registration. The Expo. The volunteers. Everything. I just want to enjoy it. I know it's going to be tough. I know mentally I am going to be pushing myself as my body says it doesn't want to do anymore. As much as I feel nervous about it being race day, I also want it to be race day.
9 days...
Thursday, September 4, 2014
On Feeling Proud
There have been a lot of moments over the past few months where I have felt proud of myself. I remember my first 100 miles and how good that felt; the pride in that. Pushing through my miserable 18 miles and despite walking a lot, feeling proud with pushing through. Even the weeks I hit around 16 hours would spark a feeling of pride. Finishing the Bay was a HUGE feeling of pride and wonder of what my body will let me push it through. I think the reason some of these accomplishments feel so huge is because I reflect on where I started. When I started swimming, I couldn't swim more than two laps without having to stop and catch my breath. I used to call a swimmer friend of mine when I finished my first 1/4 of a mile-so proud of myself for continuously swimming that distance. Kind of amusing if you think about it.
But I think what is sometimes even better than pride in self is pride in others. And that is what I am going to reflect on today.
My good training buddy Stacey is doing Ironman Wisconsin in three days. I started my triathlon journey with her and meeting her through Team in Training sparked what has turned into a beautiful friendship. She has inspired me on so many levels through not only her dedication in training and support she shows me, but also in pretty much everything else that she does. We have dreamed about Ironman together, talked consistently throughout this whole training process and all the emotions/challenges that go into it. Griped to one another about this situation or that. She has dealt with my neurotic over thinking self on so many occasions and been patient through it all. I am BEYOND thrilled to follow her journey on sunday and SO freaking proud of her for what she has done. It has truly been a journey and my only regret is that I can't be there on race day for her in the physical moment.
Another person to be proud of through all of this is my other training buddy, also met through Team in Training, Lori who is doing Ironman Maryland along side of me. We both started this journey and dream back when we did our first half Ironman together in 2012. This has truly been an emotional journey as I've seen her pick up through some tough physical issues and push through. Not to mention all the other factors that life has thrown her way. It has not been an easy training season and we have commiserated together, griped, complained and stressed to one another. We have picked each other up (sometimes mid-workout) and pushed each other. She is another one who has unfortunately had to deal with my over thinking self (my bad). But I have also been so impressed by her strength, her genuineness and the way she always helps me to see past my worry.
I am so freaking impressed and proud of these two women who are in my life. I can't wait for them both to cross that finish line. We have shared so much of our journey together-it is unreal. Un-freaking-real.
But I think what is sometimes even better than pride in self is pride in others. And that is what I am going to reflect on today.
My good training buddy Stacey is doing Ironman Wisconsin in three days. I started my triathlon journey with her and meeting her through Team in Training sparked what has turned into a beautiful friendship. She has inspired me on so many levels through not only her dedication in training and support she shows me, but also in pretty much everything else that she does. We have dreamed about Ironman together, talked consistently throughout this whole training process and all the emotions/challenges that go into it. Griped to one another about this situation or that. She has dealt with my neurotic over thinking self on so many occasions and been patient through it all. I am BEYOND thrilled to follow her journey on sunday and SO freaking proud of her for what she has done. It has truly been a journey and my only regret is that I can't be there on race day for her in the physical moment.
Another person to be proud of through all of this is my other training buddy, also met through Team in Training, Lori who is doing Ironman Maryland along side of me. We both started this journey and dream back when we did our first half Ironman together in 2012. This has truly been an emotional journey as I've seen her pick up through some tough physical issues and push through. Not to mention all the other factors that life has thrown her way. It has not been an easy training season and we have commiserated together, griped, complained and stressed to one another. We have picked each other up (sometimes mid-workout) and pushed each other. She is another one who has unfortunately had to deal with my over thinking self (my bad). But I have also been so impressed by her strength, her genuineness and the way she always helps me to see past my worry.
I am so freaking impressed and proud of these two women who are in my life. I can't wait for them both to cross that finish line. We have shared so much of our journey together-it is unreal. Un-freaking-real.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Panic mode
Well I can't believe it is september. Last weekend I completed my longest weekend combo package yet: a 94 mile bike followed by an 18 mile run the next day. It seems surreal. I can't believe that a) it is september and b) i have finally entered the taper period. Granted, this weekend still holds a 70ish mile bike and a 12-13 mile run. But still...the next time I go long it will be in the race. Which brings us to the feature point for this post: cue freakout...
To say it has been an up and down ride the last few days would be putting it mildly. I nearly started tearing up while riding the course, thinking about the fact that the next time I would be on it would be for the actual race. The actual Ironman. I can't believe that the last year of my focus will be coming to a head in a mere two and a half weeks. I am both excited, nervous, and terrified all at the same time. I am emotional and overwhelmed by the journey. I am emotional and overwhelmed by what I have been pushing my body through over these last 6-12 months. It just is a lot. Not to mention, my body is just plain tired from all that I have been asking it to do.
There are moments when I start to panic and just fear that I haven't been doing enough. I start to what if. What if I fall apart on the run? What if I get nauseous on the bike? What if I have GI issues during the whole thing? What if I don't make it in enough time? What if I am not good enough? What if I completely fail? I try not to dwell on these and focus on the negatives, but I would be absolutely kidding you if I said those thoughts and doubts were non existent. They are fully existent. And living in my head, swirling around and around in what feels like a constant roller coaster between giddiness/excitement and dread.
On one hand, I really can't wait for the race to be here so that I can just start it...do it and push myself through it. I daydream non stop of that finish line and what it is going to feel like to walk across it: dead exhausted and probably the most emotional I have been in a long time. I also fear that and know that the time goes by too quick. Even when biking the 94 miles this last weekend it felt like it went by super fast. And that took 6 hours! It is just surreal. This whole experience has been a completely surreal one. I have sacrificed so much of this summer and the past year in focusing for this race and now it is almost here.
I think my goal over the next two and a half weeks is to try and stay healthy (which is why I am sitting here writing this and not on the bike; damn cold-like feeling), try to stay focused and just try to relish these last few days before the BIG day.
oh and try not to panic. Too much...
To say it has been an up and down ride the last few days would be putting it mildly. I nearly started tearing up while riding the course, thinking about the fact that the next time I would be on it would be for the actual race. The actual Ironman. I can't believe that the last year of my focus will be coming to a head in a mere two and a half weeks. I am both excited, nervous, and terrified all at the same time. I am emotional and overwhelmed by the journey. I am emotional and overwhelmed by what I have been pushing my body through over these last 6-12 months. It just is a lot. Not to mention, my body is just plain tired from all that I have been asking it to do.
There are moments when I start to panic and just fear that I haven't been doing enough. I start to what if. What if I fall apart on the run? What if I get nauseous on the bike? What if I have GI issues during the whole thing? What if I don't make it in enough time? What if I am not good enough? What if I completely fail? I try not to dwell on these and focus on the negatives, but I would be absolutely kidding you if I said those thoughts and doubts were non existent. They are fully existent. And living in my head, swirling around and around in what feels like a constant roller coaster between giddiness/excitement and dread.
On one hand, I really can't wait for the race to be here so that I can just start it...do it and push myself through it. I daydream non stop of that finish line and what it is going to feel like to walk across it: dead exhausted and probably the most emotional I have been in a long time. I also fear that and know that the time goes by too quick. Even when biking the 94 miles this last weekend it felt like it went by super fast. And that took 6 hours! It is just surreal. This whole experience has been a completely surreal one. I have sacrificed so much of this summer and the past year in focusing for this race and now it is almost here.
I think my goal over the next two and a half weeks is to try and stay healthy (which is why I am sitting here writing this and not on the bike; damn cold-like feeling), try to stay focused and just try to relish these last few days before the BIG day.
oh and try not to panic. Too much...
Monday, August 25, 2014
Training fantasies...
That's right. It is time I share with you the things I sometimes allow myself to fantasize about when in the middle of some ridiculously long run, bike or swim.
I am not sure you can handle this. I bet you think it is something fantastically raunchy don't you?
Well I hate to burst your bubble. Because it's not. Its actually rather bland and boring. I think lately what I find myself dreaming and fantasizing about is all the other things I plan on doing with my free time once this race is over. Don't get me wrong, I love training. But I am ready to be able to do something other than train on my weekends again. I am also terrified/excited for that day to come. Since it also means the race is over and the day I have spent the last year preparing for has come and gone. I have spent so much of my time dreaming about the ironman and finishing that it is going to be surreal when it's over. You know there is such a thing as post-ironman blues. Another post on that later.
For now, here is my fantasy list!
1. Staying up past 10
Oh man, do I even really need to explain this? I can't wait to not have to worry about bed time.
2. Horses
I miss riding so much. I miss the smell of a barn. I want to get back into horses. Sometimes when I am running through rock creek I will pass horses and it just makes me day dream about this more...
3. Swimming
I know, I know...you are probably thinking WHY am I dreaming about this when I am doing this? Well I really want to join a masters team and hone my swimming. I love it.
4. A painting and wine class
You know, one of those places where you go, drink a few glasses of wine and take an art class. I am really really wanting to do that.
5. Running time
Again, I know...I am already doing this. But I want to focus more on getting my average speed down. Right now I am just focusing on the miles. I want to get back to a sub 9 mile. That used to be where I was.
6. Baking
God I miss being able to bake. I want to get back to baking bread. Such a good smell.
7. Agility training
I really want to take my one dog shickaray to this agility training. I think she'd be awesome at it. And it'd be good for her.
8. Sign language
I miss being able to do more with learning this beautiful language. I can't wait to attend more silent dinners and events.
9. Sleeping in
I can't wait to have my weekends returned to me. When I can sleep in and....
10. BRUNCH
Man do I miss brunch. I never get to go anymore due to the ridiculous hours of training but man oh man....brunch-when this is all over, I am coming for you.
Even with all these things I think about, I also remind myself to stay present. I know the race will be here soon enough. I have a few more weeks to really focus and I will thank myself on race day that I did. This upcoming weekend will be one of my longest training weekends including a 100+ mile bike and a run somewhere between 18-20 miles.
It will be worth it. And then I will go stay up until 11, drinking wine and painting while on a horse and taking my dog around an agility course.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Just give me a permanent IV...
I feel like the Dr. Appointments are hitting it hard these last few weeks. A week ago, I finally made an appointment with a new GI Dr. up at Mercy Hospital. I had previously seen them but then transferred (ever so briefly) to a GI Dr at Georgetown University. I decided I did not like him-he was an ass. Should probably go back to the bedside manners 101 class.
So upon making this new appointment and meeting with this very in-depth and much more likeable Doctor, there are going to be some changes. The first thing that kinda threw me for a loop was her impression that my disease has shifted from mild to moderate. Sigh. Great. Secondly, she talked to me about switching to a new medication. For the past few years, I have been taking daily pills of Lialda. No big deal and they seemed to work for the most part. Or at least, I thought they did. July was a rough month for me and my GI system since it seemed it was so easily triggered and I just could not get any relief. So now this new DR is thinking it is time for a change in medication. She wants me to switch to Remicaid which would be infused into my system. This is kinda scary. I don't really like the idea of going for infusions of a biological drug. It just freaks me out a bit.
So in order to really assess where everything stands-I have to go in for another colonoscopy. Fun fun. That will happen next Thursday. They really aren't that big of a deal and more of a hassle in terms of work/training. It will happen in the morning and when I made the comment to my Dr "great! I will have plenty of time to bike later then!". She gave me the stink eye and told me I shouldn't. I will consider listening to her.
So if the possibility of infusions of Remicaid were not enough, then the nurse practitioner called me with my bloodwork results. Low Iron and Low Vitamin D. Both she said are very common for patients with UC or Crohns'. She said my Iron results were so low that I need to go see a Hematologist in order to receive Iron Infusions. Which also had me kinda confused. If you have low iron, that is supposed to equate to low energy right? And if my energy was that low then why am I not dead and dragging with all this training? And if I get the infusions, will I be superman energy? If that's the case-can I please have some right before the ironman race? K, thanks-bye. ;-)
So I am basically going to be infusing things left and right. Maybe I can convince them to infuse something fun while they are at it...
So upon making this new appointment and meeting with this very in-depth and much more likeable Doctor, there are going to be some changes. The first thing that kinda threw me for a loop was her impression that my disease has shifted from mild to moderate. Sigh. Great. Secondly, she talked to me about switching to a new medication. For the past few years, I have been taking daily pills of Lialda. No big deal and they seemed to work for the most part. Or at least, I thought they did. July was a rough month for me and my GI system since it seemed it was so easily triggered and I just could not get any relief. So now this new DR is thinking it is time for a change in medication. She wants me to switch to Remicaid which would be infused into my system. This is kinda scary. I don't really like the idea of going for infusions of a biological drug. It just freaks me out a bit.
So in order to really assess where everything stands-I have to go in for another colonoscopy. Fun fun. That will happen next Thursday. They really aren't that big of a deal and more of a hassle in terms of work/training. It will happen in the morning and when I made the comment to my Dr "great! I will have plenty of time to bike later then!". She gave me the stink eye and told me I shouldn't. I will consider listening to her.
So if the possibility of infusions of Remicaid were not enough, then the nurse practitioner called me with my bloodwork results. Low Iron and Low Vitamin D. Both she said are very common for patients with UC or Crohns'. She said my Iron results were so low that I need to go see a Hematologist in order to receive Iron Infusions. Which also had me kinda confused. If you have low iron, that is supposed to equate to low energy right? And if my energy was that low then why am I not dead and dragging with all this training? And if I get the infusions, will I be superman energy? If that's the case-can I please have some right before the ironman race? K, thanks-bye. ;-)
So I am basically going to be infusing things left and right. Maybe I can convince them to infuse something fun while they are at it...
Monday, August 4, 2014
Breaking through the bike barrier
I am happy to say I think I have pushed past the mental block between me and my bike. This past week has felt really good when it comes to my biking-can't say the same for my run, but I suppose win some-lose some yeah? Having ran a marathon before, I have a bit more of a mental grip on my run vs. the bike. I haven't always loved the bike. I was feeling so down and beating up on myself the past two weeks in relation to biking. I couldn't stay focused. And I had a saddle sore that would not seem to leave me be.
This week has been different. I started using aquaphor to help out with chafing and it seems that is doing the trick. Thank GOD. I was feeling miserable. But on the bike rides last week, I enjoyed every single one of them and made it out without any soreness in the saddle area. SUCCESS! I tried a new route on thursday which always kinda makes me nervous. Not the new route, exploring somewhere part-but doing it by myself. I don't really like to do that too often simply for safety reasons. I knew this area somewhat, but decided to just go for it anyhow while taking as many necessary safety precautions I could.
It ended up being an absolutely beautiful ride. Most of the roads were pretty safe-there was one part where I was on a more traffic-busy road, but it was not for long and the shoulder was pretty wide. Some rolling hills with nothing too difficult. Passed a TON of horses (and a donkey) and ended up down by the water at one point. Totally unexpected and beautiful ride. It was a nice breath of fresh air instead of going to my usual biking point. I think it is important to switch up the training ride route on occasion.
So I left the week-day rides feeling great. Onto the weekend long ride-the real test. It ended up being a fantastic ride. 75 miles with good company and with pretty decent weather. That part ended up being a huge surprise because the forecast was looking shady all week predicting thunderstorms all day. The temperature stayed cool for the most part and we did not get rained on-both a win in my book! I felt great though. My legs didn't feel too spent at the end, I felt like I could go for longer, and while we had some climbs at the end of the ride-I didn't swear off biking while doing them.
My run on the other hand-was not the best feeling. Physically, I was all there and able to go-but mentally I was just done. After starting so late on the bike saturday, the ride ended up taking all day. I think mentally I was just tired of training after that and wanted to be done. Still got in 11 miles, but not quite the distance I wanted. I also realize I need to do more running prep work during the week. I had let that slide this past week and I noticed a difference.
15.5 hours spent training. 4 more weeks until taper. Ironman is NEXT MONTH.
This week has been different. I started using aquaphor to help out with chafing and it seems that is doing the trick. Thank GOD. I was feeling miserable. But on the bike rides last week, I enjoyed every single one of them and made it out without any soreness in the saddle area. SUCCESS! I tried a new route on thursday which always kinda makes me nervous. Not the new route, exploring somewhere part-but doing it by myself. I don't really like to do that too often simply for safety reasons. I knew this area somewhat, but decided to just go for it anyhow while taking as many necessary safety precautions I could.
It ended up being an absolutely beautiful ride. Most of the roads were pretty safe-there was one part where I was on a more traffic-busy road, but it was not for long and the shoulder was pretty wide. Some rolling hills with nothing too difficult. Passed a TON of horses (and a donkey) and ended up down by the water at one point. Totally unexpected and beautiful ride. It was a nice breath of fresh air instead of going to my usual biking point. I think it is important to switch up the training ride route on occasion.
So I left the week-day rides feeling great. Onto the weekend long ride-the real test. It ended up being a fantastic ride. 75 miles with good company and with pretty decent weather. That part ended up being a huge surprise because the forecast was looking shady all week predicting thunderstorms all day. The temperature stayed cool for the most part and we did not get rained on-both a win in my book! I felt great though. My legs didn't feel too spent at the end, I felt like I could go for longer, and while we had some climbs at the end of the ride-I didn't swear off biking while doing them.
My run on the other hand-was not the best feeling. Physically, I was all there and able to go-but mentally I was just done. After starting so late on the bike saturday, the ride ended up taking all day. I think mentally I was just tired of training after that and wanted to be done. Still got in 11 miles, but not quite the distance I wanted. I also realize I need to do more running prep work during the week. I had let that slide this past week and I noticed a difference.
15.5 hours spent training. 4 more weeks until taper. Ironman is NEXT MONTH.
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